


Coffee

by SunshineTaj



Category: metamoro - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Blood, Fluff, I promise is not as bad as it sounds, M/M, Rape, Suicide, Supranatural, angel!Ermal, but not really, maybe later - Freeform, mentioning of violence, smut?, some graphic description of injury, street musician!Fabrizio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-09-17 04:15:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineTaj/pseuds/SunshineTaj
Summary: Ermal is an angel who falls on Earth because he has fallen in love with a mortal.Fabrizio is a street musician that finds a naked, bleeding stranger in front of his apartment one morning.But if the Fallen was to survive in the world of mortals, he needs to be loved by the one he has fallen for. Will Fabrizio love Ermal?





	1. The fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So first things first. This is a work of fiction and is in no way associated with real people. ;)
> 
> I also feel like I need to give credit to a fanfiction and the movie that inspired this story. Years ago I read a Larry fanfiction that had a fallen angel!Harry in it. I loved it so much but never finished reading it, and now I can't finde its name (sorry). The movie I mantioned is: City of angels (1998), by Brad Silberling. 
> 
> Please read the tagges for the warnings, this chapter is a bit graphic. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

_“Ermal please, don't do this!”_  
_“You know I have to Andrea.”_  
_“NO, no, you don’t! Remember what happened to Marco?”_  
_“And do you remember what happened to Dino?”_  
_“Ermal, you are going to die!”_  
_“Then at last I won't have to watch him die.”_  
_“Your wings will be ripped off, of you!”_  
_“And if I stay my soul will brake more and more with every moment of his life passing by, that I will have to watch from afar.”_  
_“I know …”_

_“Andrea? Watch over me?”  
“I promise.”  _

_..._

 

It just started to snow, when Fabrizio left his apartment on an early Sunday morning. The temperatures were low enough for the snowflakes to start making a thin blanket of snow. Guitar case on his back and a thick woollen scarf around his neck, Fabrizio made his way toward the nearby church, where he played every Sunday, before and after morning mas. The majority of his weekly payment was made there. People always felled the most generous around their God. Fabrizio once believed to, but his faith faded every time his demos were rejected by a record company. That was years ago. He now accepted his fate and started to enjoy his music and sharing what he loved with the people in his own way. He played by the churches, theatres and on the busy streets. Every now and then he got himself a gig in a bar, there usually wasn’t as many people there, but he got payed better.  In the past few years Fabrizio managed to get himself a stable life, a small apartment, three meals a day, and a day off, every now and then.

Fabrizio cleaned the little bit of snow off from the bench in front of the church and set down opening his guitar case. He left the guitar case open on the floor, hoping snowflakes won’t be the only thing landing in it, and started playing. The people who started to appear Fabrizio divided In fore groups: some of them stood and listened to him play, before they left the money in his case and went to sit in the little warmth the church could offer them. The second type of people were the one that only smiled and dropped the change in his case, those were the people Fabrizio considered his regulars - elderly couples who liked his playing but didn’t always take the time to enjoy it, however, they would always leave a bit of money for a nice young man playing the guitar in front of the church. There were also the people who only smiled to him apologetically when passing by and Fabrizio understood, he wasn’t always in the position to give money away either. The last group was his least favourite, those were the people who looked down on him when rushing into the church. Fabrizio didn’t mind, he was happy he could do what makes him happy for a living.

When he heard the choir inside of the church has started to singing, he stopped playing and put the guitar back into the case. Fabrizio took the time when people were in the church to buy himself some breakfast and a cup of hot coffee to warm his fingers on. An hour passed and he went back to church. 

When people started coming out he started playing again. This time more people stopped to listen to him, but less people gave money, it was always like this. Some of them asked him to play a specific song in exchange for a few coins and Fabrizio was glad to do it. He loved seeing smiles on people’s faces when they heard their favourite song. His favourite memory was the one when, one cold winter evening an old man asked him for a song, he whispered it in his ear and Fabrizio was lucky to know it. When he saw the expression on the face of the man’s wife, he knew it was a special song. The old man hugged his wife around the waist and they started dancing. When the song ended the wife couldn’t stop thanking Fabrizio and told him, it was their wedding song and that she never hears it on the radio any more. Memories like this made Fabrizio warm even on the days when his guitar case stayed empty.

Now the people slowly started leaving one by one, after all, it was cold outside. Fabrizio played until the last person left and then waited with a guitar still in his lap. Claudio came out of the church, wearing his black priestly garments under a long coat and sat next to Fabrizio.

“How was your week my friend?” Claudio asked.  
“Fine, good actually, yours?”  
“Very nice, we started preparing this year’s Christmas play with the kids, lots of fun. You’ll be there?”  
“Only if you’ll dress as a sheep again.” Fabrizio smiled and Claudio laughed:  
“You know that was ‘one time only’ kind of thing, right? No, this year I’m going to play a tree, a pine to be precise.”  
“I believe this will be the climax of your acting career Claudio, now I’ll just have to come and see you.”  
“Great” Claudio smiled again, “you had breakfast already?”  
“When you were doing your job, yes.”   
The two man continued to talk for a while until it was time for Claudio to leave. But just before he stood up, he asked:  
“Play me Libero? And sing it to?”  
“Always.” Fabrizio started to play. Libero was one of his own songs and Claudio’s favourite. He rarely played his own songs, but for old friends like Claudio, always. Fabrizio started to sing, his raspy voice was in contrast with the sounds coming from his guitar, it sounded beautiful. Claudio closed his eyes and enjoyed the music. After the last note faded in the cold air, he open them again.  
“Thank you.”  
“You are very welcomed.”

The two man said theirs goodbyes and left each their own way. Fabrizio decided to try his luck in front of an always opened shopping centre. There was no need to, because he played a gig in a bar on Friday and wasn’t in any type of financial crises but something was telling him to go there. And he was right. Shortly after he opened his case and started playing, the group of young, overly excited, tourists appeared. They used Fabrizio as a live jukebox, giving him money for the songs they asked him to play. After a good half an hour and quite some money in his case, the tourists finally left and Fabrizio decided he had enough for this week. With cold fingers he collected his things and left toward his home.

Walking home, his minds wandered away. He was writing a new song and a melody was stuck in his head for days now, but he didn’t know how to continue it. The solution came to him when he came home and started making some pasta for himself. Fabrizio was holding a wooden spoon in his right hand while the water in the pot was boiling, when he started humming the melody again. He started to tap his fingers on the kitchen counter in the rhythm with the melody and suddenly it happened. He ran to get his guitar and a piece of paper, pasta long forgotten, when he wrote down the rest of the song.

The rest of the day passed by quickly, with Fabrizio resting and lazing around his apartment, gathering new energy for a coming week. He went to bed early since there was nothing he wanted to watch on the tv.

 

_..._

 

The next morning Fabrizio is not awakened by his alarm but something else he can’t quite place or remember. He sits up in his bed and shakes the remaining sleep away, a look at his phone tells him it’s still too early for him to be awake but he decides to get up anyway. He puts on some clothes and steps out on his tiny balcony, lighting a cigarette.  It’s a foggy morning and the thin layer of snow has covered the rooftops during the night. He can feel the cold creeping up his feet, when he’s wearing only slippers without socks. He looks down at his feet, releases the smoke from his mouth, and there he finds a feather. A long, thin, snow white, feather. Fabrizio peaks it up in fascination and looks at it. It’s beautiful, he doesn’t remember ever seeing a bird with feathers this white or this big, maybe it belongs to a swan? He doesn’t know. But he sees another one in the corner of his balcony, and when he gets closer he finds more of them. All pearl white. All beautiful. He peaks them up and takes them inside with him, still admiring them. He doesn’t know what to do with the feathers, but he finds them to be too beautiful to be thrown away, so he puts them on the coffee table in the living room and looks at them while he eats his breakfast. After, Fabrizio decides to leave them there and gets ready for his working day. He puts on some warm clothes and takes his guitar.

He locks the doors of his apartment and walks down the block of stairs that separates his floor from the doors of his apartment building. He walks out and the scene he encounters there shocks him completely. There, few steps from the door, lies a man. Face turned away from him, arms and legs in weird positions, his back and the snow around him are covered in red.

After the first moment of shock passes Fabrizio, he goes closer. He kneels next to the stranger and takes his wrist in his hand looking for the pulse. He finds it, weak but steady. He then moves away the hair from the man’s face, he can feel his breath on the palm of his hand. Close like this he can take a better look at the strangers back, there are two parallels, roughly looking scars, still bleeding. Apart from those he finds no other visible scars or bruises. Fabrizio doesn’t know what to do, but he sees the tips of the man’s fingers and his lips turning purple, his next move is a reflex, he puts off his guitar and takes off his coat. He covers a completely naked stranger with it and then gently takes him in his arms. He feels light in his arms and with one hand Fabrizio manages to throw his guitar back on his back as well. Taking the unconscious stranger inside, Fabrizio doesn’t notice the white feathers lying around in the snow.

Walking the stairs with his guitar on his back and another person in his arms was harder than he expected. He made it on the first floor successfully, looking at the stranger in his hands while making sure he didn’t stumble or fall, leaving red drops behind them.  But then suddenly the stranger started moving and Fabrizio stopped walking giving his full attention to the man who now opened his eyes.

“F-fabrizio …”

Fabrizio looked down at the man more carefully now. Did he know him? How does he know his name? Who is he? He wasn’t even sure the stranger was fully conscious, when he heard him speaking again.

“Fabrizio, it-it hurts …” And those few words were enough for Fabrizio to hold him tighter and start walking fester.


	2. Blood, feathers and snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos on my previous chapter!!!
> 
> Now for this one: this chapter contains graphic description of injuries, mentioning of violence, suicide and rape (kind of), but I promise, it really isen't that bad.
> 
> Enjoy

_"It happens rarely that angels fall in love, for angels don’t feel many things, but when they do, it’s hopelessly and forever."_  
  


_…_

  
When they reached Fabrizio’s apartment, Fabrizio managed to unlock his door while still holding the man up in his arms. He stumbled inside and carried him straight to the bathroom, carefully putting him down in the bath. The stranger kept falling in and out of consciousness while Fabrizio carried him upstairs, but has now opened his eyes again and looked at Fabrizio. Fabrizio who was taking the shower head in his hand looked back at him and started speaking:

“We have to stop the bleeding first, then I’ll call the ambulance. You’ll be alright okay, you will be alright!”

The truth was Fabrizio had no idea what he was saying or doing, he just knew he needed to help the stranger somehow.  
“I’ll start the water now, can you stay with me?” The stranger nodded and Fabrizio started washing away the blood. He put one arm around the man’s front so he didn’t fall forward, when Fabrizio moved to get closer to his back. When he started washing there the man flinched and his whole body started shaking, the tears fell down his cheeks against his will. Fabrizio gently caressed the man’s shoulder and whispered the words of encouragement to him, saying it’ll be over soon and to hold on just a bit longer. What he didn’t know was that the fallen angel in his hands was in unbearable pain.

After a few seconds Fabrizio noticed water running cleaner and the scars seemed to be getting smaller. It didn’t make any sense to him but he was glad after a while the stranger stopped shaking and that water disappearing in the drain was almost clean. When Fabrizio finally stopped the water running, he couldn’t help but put another arm around the stranger as well and press him toward himself. It was a weird position for a hug, he was kneeling next to the side of the bath, bending forward, still in the same position he was minutes ago when he was helping the stranger. Both of them were breathing hard and the adrenalin slowly started to leave their bodies.

“Shhhhh, you’re ok now, you’re safe.” Fabrizio whispered in the stranger’s hair. When he looked down at him he noticed still visible tears on his cheeks so he wiped them away, but the look in the man’s eyes was much clearer now, more focused.  
“I didn’t know it will hurt so much.” The stranger finally spoke, looking down.  
“Does it still hurt now?”  
“Yes, but … not so much. Thank you.”  
“It’s okay, I’ll go get some bandages and then we’ll get you to the hospital. Can you sit here by yourself?” The stranger nodded and Fabrizio started to leave the bathroom, but then he heard a weak voice calling for him.  
“Fabrizio … I – I can’t go to the hospital.” Fabrizio turned back.  
“Why not? You need to. What if you start bleeding again? Or if you have internal damage? I will call the ambulance.”  
“No! Please don’t. I – I –I’ll be alright, I’m fine, I’ll heal in no time. Please, I can’t go to the hospital.” Fabrizio looked at him sceptically, but the stranger seemed to be doing much better and he wasn’t bleeding any more. He sighed:  
“Okay, but if you get worse, I’m taking you there, no questions, and you are going to stay here for a while so I can keep an eye on you.”  
“Thank you.”  
“I’ll go get those bandages now.”

Fabrizio left but came back just a moment later with a box of first aid kit.  
“Let’s see, yes this gauze will do, but first I should …” He looked back down in the box, searching for a small bottle he knew was there. He found it and took it out.  
“I’m sorry but this will sting.  
“What is it?”  
“Antiseptic, I have to … disinfect or else … you can get an infection.” The stranger only nodded again. Fabrizio put his arm around the man’s front again, so he could band forward. When the antiseptic touched his skin, he flinched again and held to Fabrizio’s arm with the both his hands, squeezing it.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it will stop soon.” Fabrizio caressed his shoulder again. “Better?”  
“Yes.”  
“I’ll put the bandages on, can you hold up for a bit? Here, just like that.” He put the gauze on, the scars seemed even smaller and more healed now, but Fabrizio knew it could all be due to the shock, that they seemed bigger before. He wrapped the bandages around the man as well.  
“All done. Now we need to warm you up. Can you stand up?”  Instead of answering, the man tried to get up but the pain, when he moved, made him sit back down.  
“I – I can’t …”  
“That’s alright. Put your arm around my neck, yes great.” Fabrizio tried to pick him up as gently as possible, trying not to touch the scars. He carried him to his bed and gently put him down in between the sheets.

“You’ll be warm soon, I’ll go get another blanket.” Fabrizio left his bedroom and went around his apartment picking up blankets, pillows, anything and everything that could make the stranger warm and comfortable. He came back with two extra blankets, a pillow and a, with hot water filled, termofór.  He put the termofór in between the man’s feet and then covered him with all the blankets.  
“Put your hands in as well, you’ll warm up sooner.” Fabrizio then process to tuck in the covers around the man, who was getting warmer by the second, and there for sleepier. Fabrizio smiled seeing the man’s eyes closing slowly.  
“Sleep it off, I’ll come checking on you every now and then. Call me if you need me, okay? You need to tell me if you start feeling worse.” The stranger only nodded, but that wasn’t enough for Fabrizio.  
“Promise you’ll tell me?”  
“I promise.” Came a weak, sleepy replay. Fabrizio than left the room, keeping the doors wide open.

He went to the living room and set down on the couch, from there he could see the man in his bed in the reflection of the tv in front of him. Fabrizio’s apartment wasn’t big, but it was enough for him and it came in handy now. Only now, he finally started to calm down. The stranger was safe and he will be alright. The stranger. Fabrizio realized that in the shock and hurry to help the man, he didn’t even ask him for his name.  Or what exactly happened to him? What could happen to him? Fabrizio toughed back to the moment he found the man. He was laying on the floor, it looked like he jumped from their apartment building, but the scars on his back said otherwise. Two parallel scars going in-between his shoulder blades to the upper part of his mid back. They looked like wounds? Maybe he was stabbed? But what could leave scars like that? The edges of the wounds looked rough and like ... like something was pulled out of his back, not pushed in. Fabrizio was confused. He looked back at the reflection on the tv. The stranger was sleeping peacefully. Fabrizio decided to go back out to look at the place where he found the man, again.

The freshly fallen snow has covered the blood marks, turning them in to the pink stains, but the shape in the size of a man was still embossed into the snow. Fabrizio inspected the place. It still looked like a suicide to Fabrizio, but if the man actually jumped from the building he would brake every bone in his body, of that Fabrizio was sure. Instead he had deep wounds on his back and no other injuries. Maybe he was stabbed. But that seamed even more unlikely to him. He would surely noticed if somebody was being violently attacked in front of his apartment. Maybe he was stabbed somewhere else than the attackers throw him out of a car there, in front of his door? But then, why was he naked? Could it be that he was rap…  No, Fabrizio didn’t want to think about it any more. Nothing made sense and his head was starting to hurt. He decided to go back inside. He throw one last look at the scene when … when he noticed it. White feather, laying on top of a freshly fallen snow. He looked around more carefully and found more of the same looking feathers. He picked up the one closest to him, it looked just like the ones he found earlier this morning. He took this one inside as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question. Some time ago, long before this fanfiction, I started writing a fanfiction baste on one of my other headcanons. If anyone remember from my Tumbler, it was Merman!Ermal and fisherman!Fabrizio. This two fics are kind of similar (you know, Ermal is a mistical creature and Fabri is a norma human), but I'm still wondering, would you be interestet in me posting that one as well, after I finish this one?


	3. Gently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here is a new chapter, I don't think I need to warn you about anything, it's just a soft chapter.  
> Thank you all again for kudos and comments on a previous one, and taking the time to read this.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. If anyone is a bit despaired because of approaching holidays and wants to play a drinking game while reading this, take a shot every time I wrote "again" or/and every time Fabrizio helps Ermal. You'll be out in no time.

_"Angels without wings can’t fly, they only keep falling, deeper and deeper in love."_

 

_…  
_

 

Fabrizio walked back inside and went to the bedroom to check on the man sleeping there. Fabrizio looked at the stranger from afar and then went to sit on his bed, by him. He looked at the man’s lips, they were gaining back their colour, and so did the fingertips, peaking out of the covers. He couldn’t help but smile. For some reason the stranger feel very important to him, even though he knew nothing about him yet. Not knowing what happened to him, Fabrizio feel protective over the man in his bed and decided then and there he will do everything in his power for the man to get better. For the words “it-it hurts …” were still loud in his head.

He didn’t know what to do for the rest of the day. He knew he couldn’t leave his apartment to go to work so he decided he’ll try writing. But making music is hard when you don’t want to wake up a stranger, sleeping just a few meters away. So he put his guitar back in the corner as well. He then cleaned his apartment and washed his clothes that were covered in blood. The whole time Fabrizio didn’t dare to turn up the radio or the tv, as to not make too much noise. When he almost dropped a glass, he was washing for the second time, Fabrizio decided to go check on a stranger again.

He found him, lying on his side fast asleep, just like he left him a few hours ago. Fabrizio set beside him on the bed again and looked at him. Really looked at him, not to check his fingertips or the colure of his lips, but really looked. The man had pale skin, his thin lips were slightly open, making a relaxed expression on his face. A few dark curls were falling onto his eyes and his eyelashes were creating shadows on his cheeks. He was beautiful, Fabrizio couldn’t help but noticed, but his thoughts were soon pushed away by the worry he begin to feel again. The slightly reddish cheeks could mean the man was now overheating. Fabrizio gently pushed away the curls from the man’s forehead and put his palm on it.  
“Mmmm.” The stranger opened his eyes to look at those of Fabrizio.  
“I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry.” Fabrizio panicked a little, but added with a soft voice. “How are you feeling?”  
“Better, it hurts less.” Fabrizio was glad to hear this words.  
“I was checking your temperature, do you feel too hot?”  
“No, it’s nice and warm in here.” The stranger replied and then process to bury his face in the covers as to confirm his words. Only his eyes stayed out of it, still looking at Fabrizio. Fabrizio couldn’t help but smile at him again. Asking softly:  
“I was thinking of eating something, are you hungry?”  
“Maybe.” Fabrizio smiled again.  
“Maybe? Do you have any special wishes?”  
“No …”  
“Okay, then” Fabrizio started to get up “I’ll go make us something simple.” He walked in to the kitchen and put some water to boil to make them tea when he remembered he still didn’t know the strangers name. He went back to his bedroom.   
“Emmm, sorry, I just realized I haven’t learn your name?”  
“I’m Ermal.”  
“That is a beautiful name.” Fabrizio smiled  
“It means: wind of the mountain.” The stranger, no, Ermal added shyly.  
“I like it.” Fabrizio heard the water boiling. “I’m Fabrizio, but you already know this. I’ll bring you some tea now, and pain killers.”

He went to get the two items and broth them back to Ermal.  
“The tea is hot, so careful with it.” Ermal nodded:  
“Thank you.”  
Fabrizio then went to make them the promised lunch. It wasn’t anything fancy, just some scrambled eggs with spices and bits of fresh tomatoes in between. He put them on two plates, one for him and one for Ermal. He carried Ermal’s in to the bedroom.  
“Here,” he put the plate on the nightstand, “can you sit up?” Ermal did, with a lot of help from Fabrizio, who made sure that even sitting, he was still covered up to his neck, only leaving out his hands. Fabrizio put the plate on his lap and Ermal slowly started eating. After a few bites, he asked:  
“Aren’t you going to eat to?”  
“Yes, I will, but you first.”  
“You could eat here with me. I’ll share.” Fabrizio couldn’t say no to the pair of big dark eyes looking at him, so he went to the kitchen to get his own plate. It was a bit of an awkward situation, Fabrizio sat on the side of the bed turning toward Ermal with a plate in his lap. They eat in silence, with Fabrizio looking up every now and then to make sure Ermal was doing fine on his own. After some time Ermal said:  
“This is really delicious, but I can’t eat any more.” Fabrizio looked at his plate, it was more than half empty.  
“That’s okay, would you like something else?”  
“No, thank you.”  
“Drink some tea then, and take a pill.”  
Fabrizio finished his own meal and then put both plates on the nightstand. He helped, a now again tired Ermal, to lie beck down.  
“I’m not sleepy.” Ermal protested  
“I know, but you should rest more, you’ve loosed a lot of blood.” With that Ermal loosed himself in the covers again. Fabrizio found the sight to be adorable.  
“Hey Ermal, can I ask you about what happened to you?” Ermal nodded.  
“What were you doing outside in the cold, what happened? Did somebody hurt you?”  
“I – fell?”  
“You fell. Well, where from?”  
“I don’t remember.”  
Fabrizio worried again: “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital, if you can’t rememb…?”  
“No, thank you Fabrizio, I’ll be fine.”  
“Really?” Fabrizio asked unbelievably.  
“Really.”  
Fabrizio was still unconvinced, but he was relieved that Ermal hasn’t been attacked or hurt by somebody else.  
“Ok,” Fabrizio agreed “how do you know my name?”  
“I watched you.” Ermal now replayed, yawning. Fabrizio looked down at him smiling.  
“You watched me play?”   
“Mhm” Came a sleepy reply as Ermal’s eyes closed. Fabrizio decided it was enough questions for now. After all, he learned all the most important things. Now Ermal had to get better, there will be time to talk properly later, when he won’t be in so much pain anymore. Fabrizio covered Ermal up to his nose again, and before getting up, caressed his hair automatically. Ermal’s eyes opened quickly.  
“What did you do?”  
Fabrizio started to panic, did he cross the line? After all they didn’t know each other! But then:  
“Do it again … please.”  Fabrizio caressed his hair again gently and Ermal closed his eyes. A soft breath left his lips and Fabrizio thought he almost heard him purring. He continued to caress him until Ermal's breathing evened and slowed down.

He let him sleep and left the room again. Fabrizio sat in his living room and started to read a book, still to scared to turn on the tv in case he would miss Ermal calling for him. After some time passed he got bored, so Fabrizio decided he’ll make them dinner, even though not much time has passed since lunch. He googled what would be the best for somebody who just loosed a lot of blood and then decided on chicken and some vegetables he currently had at home, hoping it’ll do the trick. While cooking Fabrizio kept cheeking the reflection on the tv, to see if Ermal was okay. The dinner preparation therefore took a bit longer than expected, but it’s not like he was in any kind of hurry. When he was done, he made Ermal a glass of orange juice as well, since he read vitamin C was important.  He put everything on a try, his plate included, and carried it in the bedroom. He woke Ermal up whit a touch on his shoulder and a gantlet voice:  
“Ermal, wake up, it’s dinner time.” The curly haired opened his eyes:  
“Smells nice.”  
Fabrizio helped him to sit up again and put the try in-between them. He offered the plate to Ermal.  
“But I don’t feel like eating.”  
“Just a little? It will help you get back on your feet.” Ermal took the fork and begin eating.  
“Mmmm, this is really good again.” And Fabrizio smiled, he didn’t remember what was the last time he’s been so prised for his cooking, if ever at all. But then all of a sudden it hit him:  
“Ermal, do you need to call anyone? You’ve been missing the whole day, I’m sure your family is worried!”  
“No, there’s nobody here on Earth to worry about me.”  
That sentence broke Fabrizio’s heart. He wanted to ask Ermal what he meant, but he saw the sad look on his face and decided against it. He feel like he needed to say something to that.  
“You know … you can stay here, for as long as you want. And I definitely want you to stay until you are completely healed.”  
“I … thank you.” Ermal said quietly, while looking up at Fabrizio shyly. Fabrizio smiled at him encouragingly and pointed to his plate:  
“Now eat!”  
Ermal did as he was told. He was really happy for everything Fabrizio did for him, after all he remembered not all Fallen had this kind of luck. Both Marco's and Dino's faces still alive in his memory.

He managed to eat more than he had imagined, due to the food tasting really amazing to him. Fabrizio made him drink the juice as well, saying it’s important he drinks a lot in order not to dehydrate. Ermal got tired after that. It was funny to him how easily he got tired. Was this normal for humans? Or was it just due to him being hurt? He didn’t now. Nor did he care much at the moment, for Fabrizio started to cover him up again and Ermal hoped he’ll caress his hair.

Fabrizio moved the hair away from Ermal’s face and wished him good night, turning around.  
“Where are you going?”  
“I’ll sleep in the living room.”  
“Way?” Ermal asked “It’s not fair you’re letting me stay in your bed when you’ll be sleeping on the couch. Isn’t the bed big enough for the both of us?” He added and started to move more toward the side of the bed, which cussed him to groan in pain.  
“Ermal carful!” Fabrizio was at his side and helped him get comfortable again. “Don’t hurt yourself. Are you okay?”  
“Yes. Please sleep here …” Ermal answered shyly. Once again, Fabrizio could not say no to the big dark eyes.  
“I - … let me just get to the bathroom first. I’ll be right back.”  
Fabrizio went to the bathroom, took a quick shower, changed his clothes and cleaned his teeth. He went back to his bedroom quietly in case Ermal was already asleep. But the curly haired was waiting for him with eyes wide open. Fabrizio slide under the cover on the empty side of the bed. He looked at the man on the other side, whose eyes now started to close.  
“Ermal, how are you feeling? Dose it hurt?”  
“It’s better, the pain is almost gone if I don’t move.”  
“Okay, wake me up if something happens.”  
“I will.” Ermal said and closed his eyes. Fabrizio pulled the covers up on him once again.  
“Good night Ermal.”  
“Good night ‘bizio.” Came a sleepy, muffled response.


	4. There is no coffee in haven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi darlings! Since today is my birthday I wanted to treat you to a new chapter.   
> Please enjoy!

_The fall is a death or a birth of a Fallen._

_  
…_

  
The next morning Fabrizio wakes up first. The first thing his eyes meet when he opens them is a sleeping man on the other side of the bed. Fabrizio doesn’t move, he isn’t even sure he breaths, for Ermal’s face looks so peaceful it would be a crime to disturb his dream. Free of all pain in his sleep, Fabrizio wants to give him a few more moments, before he has to wake him up to check on his scars. So he lies there, looking at a sleeping man.

He is going to stay with Ermal today as well, so he is in no hurry to get out of bed. Fabrizio doesn’t know how much time has passed, with him admiring the other, but he does notice the room has gotten a bit brighter, when Ermal opens his eyes.   
“Good morning.” Fabrizio says softly   
“ ‘Morning.” Came a mumbled replay.  
“You slept well?”  
“Yes, very well.” Ermal starts to stretch which cusses a sharp pain in his back. Fabrizio puts a hand on his, with blankets covered, shoulder.  
“Careful. Hm, looks like you’ll be staying in bed today as well. I’ll go make us breakfast.”   
Ermal nodded and Fabrizio left the warmth of the bed. He came back quickly with a bowl of fruits, a few sandwiches, a jug filed with water, and two mugs of coffee. He helped Ermal up again and the angel looked at the try filed with food.   
“What is this?” He pointed at the streaming mug of coffee. “I like its smell.”   
“Coffee. You never had coffee before?” Fabrizio made a surprised face.   
“Ermmm, no. Let me try.” Fabrizio passed him the mug.  
“It’s hot, don’t burn your tongue.”  
“OH! So that’s why you blow at food and drinks!” Ermal said excitedly and blow at his own drink.   
“Eh, yes, you didn’t kno…” But the words are swallowed by laughter, Fabrizio can’t help but let out as he sees Ermal’s face made a grimacing, when he tried the first sip of coffee. He looked like a child you let try the lemon for the first time.  
“Yak, this is horrible! How can you drink that?” Ermal pushed the mug back into Fabrizio’s hands, who is still laughing.   
“I’ll put some sugar in it for you.”  
“No thank you, I don’t want it anymore.”   
Fabrizio smiled wide at him, “Okay, but do eat some fruit.”

Ermal enjoyed the different flavours of fruits in his mouth. Before, food never had a taste, but here on Earth it tasted, as some might put it, heavenly. Quite ironic really.

After they were done with breakfast, Fabrizio gave Ermal another painkiller that he swallowed with a glass of water.   
“I think we should change the bandages now.” Ermal agreed and Fabrizio went to find the firs aid kit again. He then knelled on one knee behind Ermal and carefully undid the bandages. He looked at the gauze, it was completely clean, which meant Ermal hasn’t been bleeding after he cleaned the scars. That was a good sign. He then looked at the scars at the other man’s back. They looked way smaller and even more healed. This time Fabrizio was sure of it.  
“Ermal, waw! You’re healing really well!”  
“I’ve told you I’ll heal fast.”  
“Yes, but … this is amazing. And you haven’t bleed any more since yesterday.” Fabrizio changed the gauze anyway, to make sure is clean, and put the bandages back on.   
“Is it too tight?”  
“No, it’s fine.” After a moment of silence he added quietly: “Thank you for helping me so much.”  
“Ermal you already thanked me. And it’s no problem really, anyone would do it.”  
“No, not anyone.” Ermal replayed even more quietly, and Fabrizio could senses the same kind of sadness in his voice, he had a day before, when he asked him if he wants to call anyone. He didn’t know what to replay to that, so he put a hand on Ermal’s shoulder and got up from behind him.   
“Do you want to lie down again?”  
“Um yes, but Fabrizio, I – I need to pee.”   
“Sure, let me help you, the bathroom is just across the hall.” Fabrizio holed out a hand to him but Ermal doesn’t move.   
“Hay, everything all right?”   
“Yes, it’s just … I’m naked …”   
Fabrizio blushes at that. Of course, he completely forgot. Yesterday, when he found him it was the last thing on his mind, and then when he carried him to bed he just wanted to get him warm as soon as possible, which meant no clothes, only blankets. And then he didn’t offer him any clothes because he forgot about it. Fabrizio wants to face palm but he stopes himself before doing so.   
“I’m sorry. I - forgot.” Fabrizio turns around to hide the blush and look at his closet. “Emm, I don’t think any of my pants will fit you, but here, is this okay?” He turns back with a dark blue sweater and black sweatpants.  
“Yes, thank you.”   
Fabrizio turned to one of the smaller drawers, but then turned back.  
“Ermal, what happened to your clothes?”    
“They got ripped off.”   
“WHAT!” Fabrizio is getting visible angry, but not with Ermal. “I thought you said you weren’t attacked. Ermal, who did it, we need to go to the police.”   
“God.”  
Fabrizio blinks a few times, looking at Ermal like he fell from the moon.   
“God?”  
“Yes.”  
“I – Ermal, I am very confused right now, and I’m not sure should I take you to the police or the hospital first, because you’ve surly hurt your head.   
“Neither, you should take me to the toilet first, I still really need to pee.” Fabrizio does not move. He continues to star at the man in front of him. Ermal sighs.  
“I promise I’ll explain it to you after.” He says and makes big pleasing eyes at Fabrizio.    
Fabrizio seam to finally fall out of his trance.   
“Okay, toilet first, talk later.”   
Ermal, who is still half covered with blankets, starts to put on the sweater and Fabrizio goes back to the small drawer. When he turned back, he couldn’t help but laugh at the view. Ermal had half of the sweater on, one arm in, head under it, nowhere to be seen.   
“Let me help you.”   
“I can’t rise my arms this high, my back starts to hurt.”   
“I can see that.” Fabrizio smiles and helps Ermal pull the sweeter down his head and then helps him put the other arm in as well.  
“Thank you.” Ermal looks down ashamed. “I can’t even put my clothes on.”  
“You’re hurt, it’s normal to need help.” Fabrizio gives him the underwear he took from the drawer. Now it’s Ermal’s time to blush. Fabrizio thinks it suits his pale cheeks.   
“I don’t think I can put these on alone.” He looks down so his curls hide his eyes, feeling even more ashamed now.  
“It’s okay, I’ll help you.” Fabrizio tries to say as naturally as possible. “We can put this cover around you and you go to the toilet like this, so you don’t need to put it one twice.” Ermal only knobbed, still not looking up. Fabrizio pules a cover around his waist and tucks it together.   
“Now, up you go. Arms around my neck. You think you’ll be able to walk, or do I carry you?”  
“I’ll try walking.”   
Fabrizio slowly helps him up. With one arm around Fabrizio’s shoulders and both of Fabrizio’s arms around his waist, Ermal is able to walk toward the bathroom. Once he is carefully put down on the toilet Fabrizio waits for him outside the bathroom. When Ermal is done, he manages to get to the sink by himself to wash his hands and his face, due to the fact Fabrizio’s bathroom is so small. When he opens the door, he stumbles a little and Fabrizio catches him in a hug. He wants to let go immediately but Ermal leans in, pushing his face in the crook of Fabrizio’s neck and his arms around the other. So Fabrizio hugs him tighter, with one arm around his shoulders and the other around his waist, making sure he doesn’t hurt him. Fabrizio remembers the other’s words from last night and can’t help but asks:  
“What was the last time you were held?”  
“I don’t remember.”   
Fabrizio doesn’t replay to that but only holds him tighter.   
They stayed in an embrace for a little longer and then Fabrizio helped Ermal back to bed, like he did before.   


“Do you want to put the rest of your clothes on now?”   
Ermal gets embarrassed again. “Yes.”  
“Okay, we’ll set you down and then I’ll help you put on the underwear to your knees. Then I’ll help you back up and you’ll pull it up the rest of the way. How does that sound?”  
“Like a full on battle plan.” Ermal smiled. “But it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.” Ermal’s curls hide his face again as he looks down.”   
“Do you really think I had the time to look? You were dying. I saw nothing but your injuries.”   
“I know, I’m sorry.”   
“Hey, you have nothing to apologise for. I understand.” He put a hand on Ermal’s shoulder. “Shel we go in to the battle?” Ermal agrees and Fabrizio helps him set down. Then comes the tricky part. Fabrizio slowly helps Ermal to rise each feet and put it in the underwear. He puts the boxers up to Ermal’s knees, not rising the covers too much.   
“Now, back up.”   
Ermal does so with the help of Fabricio’s arms around him.  
“Can you go on from here alone?”   
Ermal tries to band but doesn’t come far, the pain in his back increases and Ermal whines.  
“Don’t push it. Okay, so change of plans.” Fabrizio starts to pull Ermal’s boxers further up.  
“No, wait …” Fabrizio stopes and Ermal isn’t sure what he wants to say.   
“I won’t peak under the covers, I promise. Look, I’ll even close my eyes.” Fabrizio does so and starts to pull the underwear further up Ermal’s legs. Once Ermal can reach it without pain, he pulls it up the rest of the way himself.   
“Can I open my eyes now?”   
“Yes.” Comes a shy replay.  
“You see, I didn’t look. And even if I would, a naked man is nothing I haven’t seen before.”  
“I know.” Fabrizio said that, meaning himself, but Ermal’s reply was somehow suggestive, like he meant something else, like he knew something more. Of course that was impossible, Fabrizio knew, so he let the topic drop.    
“Now the pants, ready?”   
Fabrizio helps Ermal dress up the rest of the way. When he is dressed Fabrizio helps him lay back down. He can see how tired the other man had become from such an easy task as getting dressed up.   
“Ermal, why didn’t you say anything last night? Why didn’t you ask for some clothes?”  
“I was very tired, very comfortable and very warm. I didn’t need them.” Came a simple reply.   
“And it didn’t bother you I was sleeping next to you?”   
“N-a, you didn’t peak under the covers, you even closed your eyes.” Ermal repeat the exact words Fabrizio used earlier.   
“Are you mocking me?” Fabrizio asked jokingly, “and for your information, its called sleeping.”   
“I know what is called.” He yawns “I would like to do some of that right now, if you don’t mind.”  
“Sure, I’ll wake you at lunch time.”  
Fabrizio looks at him with a tender look as Ermal’s eyes close, he quietly leaves the room. In the doorframe he remembers they were spouts to talk, but when he turns around he sees the other already breathing slowly, calmly, asleep. Fabrizio leaves and decides the explanation can wait. Ha waited a day, he might as well wait a few more hours.

Fabrizio went to the leaving room and this time he turned on the tv, putting it on the lowest volume possible, still heard to the human ear. He wasn’t used to spending this much time at home, usually he could barely last a day without work, staying inside, but then again, there was usually no one to spend that time with. Fbrizio’s minds wandered away as he skipped thru the channels without paying attention. It’s been a while since he came home to someone, a while since he woke up next to somebody naked, even if just in an innocent way as this. The majority of people didn’t think of Fabrizio’s job as a job. They thought of him as a beggar, a lazy man with no job, a failure. Nobody wanted to date a beggar.  But Fabrizio was not a bagger, he was an artist and he found his inspiration in daily muses. Or better said, one night stand, muses. He couldn’t help himself, searching for love in every person willing to give him a piece - a few minutes. No matter how small a piece, Fabrizio would take it and hope for it to be enough. It never was. His love came in pieces and his salary in coins. But he didn’t mind, at least he had his art.

He set around for a while until it was time to make lunch. Fabrizio decided on pasta and made a reminder in his head to go pick up some groceries the next day, if Ermal will be feeling well enough to be left alone for an hour or so. Before carrying the plates into the bedroom, he went to wake Ermal up first and help him sit up.   
“Good morning again, sleepyhead. How are you feeling.”  
“Hungry.” Fabrizio took that as a good sign, a return of appetite always was.  
“Good, I’ve made Carbonara.” He said and went back to the kitchen to get their plates. He put a steaming plate of pasta in Ermal’s lap and the other happily begin to blow at his food, witch reminded Fabrizio:  
“Ermal, you still owe me an explanation, remember?”   
“Yes,” The other look down “I don’t know where to begin?”  
“At the beginning.” The other encouraged. “Ermal, please know, whatever it is I won’t judge you and I won’t leave you alone to deal with it by yourself. You can trust me.”   
“Okay.” Ermal stared but didn’t continue, as they both begin to eat. A few seconds and a deep breath later, Ermal finally started to speak.

“I’m an angel.”


	5. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back. Thank you for all the birthday wishes, lovely comments and kudos. It means a lot. About this chapter: it contains mantoning of child abuse and other violence. But it's non graphic so I hope you will enjoy the chapter anyway.
> 
> And I almost forgot, but please go look at this lovely thing that was inspired by my fic. I love it: https://justanothersideblog6.tumblr.com/post/181439359965/ermal-is-an-angel-who-falls-on-earth-because-he

_"Heavens are full of jealous angels."_

__  
  
…

Fabrizio choked on his spaghetti.  


“Sorry, what you just said?”  
“I’m an angel, well technically not anymore … Can I ask you to listen to me and let me explain? I promise I’m not crazy and I’ll answer all your questions when I’m done. Please?”  
Ermal didn’t know how to do this. He understood the other probably thought he is joking or that he’s completely mad. He had seen enough movies when one character admitted to the other they are some supernatural creature to know Fabrizio won’t be easy to convince.

Fabrizio recovered after a minute and took a deep breath, not knowing what else he could do, he agreed.  
“Alright, I’ll stay quiet.”  
“Thank you.” Ermal paused. “So, as I said, I was an angel. I lived in Heaven and my job was to look after mortals and carry their souls to Heaven as they passed away. One day I decided to fall. It means I let myself fall down on Earth, without using my wings. They were ripped of in the process, as a punishment because I disobeyed. So were my clothes and my immortality. I was stripped off everything angelic, thrown on Earth with nothing.” Here he paused again and then added:  
“And this is how you found me.” To let Fabrizio know he’s finished.  
As he stopped talking he finally looked up at Fabrizio. Fabrizio had an unreadable expression on his face, he was just staring at Ermal and Ermal was afraid he is a moment away from being thrown on the street, left to wonder the mortal world alone and die in pain without love.  After a moment, or an hour nobody really knew, Fabrizio got up and walked out of the room without a word. Ermal opened his mouth to call him but his voice died out of fear in his throat. He prepared for the worst.

Fabrizio walked to the living room, the whole story unbelievable to him, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. The way he found Ermal, his injuries, him not knowing why to blow at a hot drink, him not having anyone to call … and feathers, pearl white, beautiful feathers he found on the same day as Ermal. He looked at them on his coffee table and took one in his hands. Is it possible? Is it possible the man in his bed is an angel? Fabrizio didn’t believe in God and he hasn’t been to church in ages. But angels? He went thru all the others, reasonable, explanations in his head again: suicide, attack, an accident … but nothing connected the dots as much as Ermal’s explanation. So he went back to the bedroom with a feather in his hand.

He set back on the bed like he set before and put the feather in between himself and Ermal. The other took it immediately.  
“This is mine.” He heled the feather gently in his hands. As the tears started to file up in his eyes, he presses it to his chest.  


“I believe you.”  Was the first thing Fabrizio said.  
Ermal looked up at him, with tears still in his eyes.  
“You do?”  
“Yes“  
“Thank you.”  
Fabrizio smiled at him:  
“Can I ask you a question?”  
“Yes, of course.”  
“Why did you fall?”  
“Because I fell in love.”  
“And just because of that, you let yourself fall?”  
“Yes. And it’s not ‘just’. See, angels, we feel differently from humans. We don’t feel anything, no taste, no warmth, no emotions …” He paused a little. “It happens rarely that an angel falls in love, but love is the only thing we can feel, and then everything that comes with it. And there is nothing we can do, but watch the one we love slowly dying. It becomes unbearable, it is the only thing you feel and there is nothing that can take your minds of it. I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t …” Ermal looked down again and the tears started to fall.  
“Hey, it’s okay.” Fabrizio put his hand on Ermal’s. Ermal’s hand twitched a little, but he didn’t pull away.  
“So, love is the only thing you ever feel?” he asked gently, searching for Ermal’s eyes with his own.  
“Yes.” Ermal wipes the tears away. “Until now. When I fell, I felt everything at once, it was overwhelming, the pain, the fear, the cold. Pain taking over everything.”  
Fabrizio listened to Ermal’s words, he could not imagine living like this, never feeling anything and then all the worst things at once. And then it hit him:  
“Before, when I hugged you, you’ve never been hugged!”  
“I have, but it’s been a while, I don’t actually remember the last time. Angels don’t hug, or touch a lot, because it does nothing for us. We can’t feel the warmth or the pleasant sensation, or lo… nothing. Nothing. But what you did earlier, that was – that felt really nice.” Ermal admitted.  
“So this is also why you liked it so much when I caressed your hair.” Ermal blushed and looked down. Fabrizio caressed Ermal’s hand, he was still holding, with his thumb.  
“No need to be embarrassed. I can’t imagen living without all of this and then suddenly feeling everything for the first time.”  
Ermal looked back up. “We know how certain things should feel, like warmth or cold, or a touch on the skin, but tough our drinks were steamy and our fruit sometimes covered in ice, we couldn’t ever feel it. Some angels did despicable things in order to make themselves feel something, anything.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like pull their feathers out of their wings or fight each other, with the only motive being to feel pain. Hurt themselves …” Fabrizio was speechless as Ermal continued. “We were so fascinated by humans. You could feel so many things. We didn’t miss it, because you can’t miss what you never had, but we were, in our feelingless way, jealous of you.”  
“Jealous of us” Fabrizio smirked “didn’t you say you were immortal?”  
“Yes.”  
“And you still gave all of this up.  
“I had to, I couldn’t bear it anymore.” Fabrizio heard the sadness in his voice.  
“Wouldn’t you fall out of love eventually?” He asked carefully. “Or maybe you would fall for an angel, and you wouldn’t have to fall on Earth?”  
“No, angels never fall in love with each other. We can’t love somebody who has no love to give. And no, I wouldn’t fall out of love.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”  
Fabrizio once again didn’t know what to say to everything he just heard. He felt as if he was moving towards a dangerously personal territory with the questions he was asking Ermal, so he decide to change the topic, after the moment of silence.  
“So, the other day when you said you were watching me. You meant from Heaven, right?”  
“Yeah.” Ermal was now smiling.  
“So, you were like – amm – my guardian angel?”  
“Not really.” Ermal found Fabrizio’s question adorable. “It doesn’t work like that. There is not as many angels as there is people. We would all watch down over you. And you weren’t assigned to us or something, we would randomly watch you. Our purpose isn’t that grate either, we don’t have any power over you. We can’t help you in any way or make decisions for you. All we did was watch you, waiting for you to die. Then, when you’ll die, the angel watching over you at that moment would come to carry your soul to Heaven.”  
“That is …” Fabrizio was speechless.  
“Quite a lot of work actually.” Ermal added with a teasing voice and a tiny smile playing on his lips. He wanted to lift the mood since Fabrizio had such a horrified expression in his face.  
“So you only wait for us to die?” That didn’t happen, so Ermal’s face became more serious again.  
“In a way, yes. But - but it’s not like we sit around and look down on you only awaiting your death.” Ermal took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is, your lifes are not meaningless. You are important and so unique. You love, you laugh, you cry. You smell the flowers and give each other gifts for birthdays, you make friends with animals and bring them in to your homes. You swim in the sea and play in the snow. You feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and know how apples taste. You make art, you make music, you make love … Like I said before, many of us would love to exchange our immortality up for a life like yours.”  


The speech Ermal made woke Fabrizio up and made him think.  
“But how cruel is God then? To make you watch what you’ll never have, over and over again, for the infinity of time. To watch love but never feel it, to see happiness but never know what it’s like to be happy? It is cruel.”  
Ermal shock his head: “No, it is merciful.”  
Fabrizio looked at him. “How so?”  
Ermal stayed quiet for a while, but then started slowly:  
“I once watched over a little girl from the moment she was born, thru the rest of her life. That is not what we usually do, sometimes you watch a birth of a soul and then never see that person again, or you come across them randomly some time later, but almost never we watch somebody their whole life. But her – I don’t know – she took my interest. She was born with big bright eyes of a soul that entered the mortal world for the first time, even though she was an old soul for sure. You know, sometimes the souls remember their previous life at the beginning of a new one and usually aren’t very happy to be back, but she seemed to be so curious about everything around her, even as a new born baby she looked at her mother like she understood everything her mother was telling her. She was born with the passion for life and light in her eyes. A first born to her parents, she was so loved” Ermal looked away with a sad look. Fabrizio saw it and gently asked:  
“What happened to her?”  
“The first time her father hit her, she was only seven years old, still just a little child. He hit her, because she was afraid, like every child – every human is. She had the same fear as him, but instead of him dealing with his fear and then showing his daughter how to defeat hers, he made her fear bigger and created another one. He made her be afraid of him and so many other things. And then he started beating her for every single thing she was afraid of, resulting into making her be afraid of everything. Every day the light I her eyes got darker until it completely died out. He continued to beat her until she was thirteen when she said she will tell on him and show here bruises to somebody.  He stopped beating her then, but he never stopped abusing her in other ways. Sometimes I thing he didn’t even realize he was being abusive.” Ermal paused for a while, putting the memories away and then continued his explanation: “Now imagine we would have the ability to feel. I would have to sit there and watch here being tortured by the one person she loved unconditionally since berth, and there would be nothing, not a thing, I could do about it. And she wasn’t the only one, I’ve seen so many, humans can be so violent at times, watching all the wrong, all the wars, the murdering the pain, feeling everything - that would be cruel.”

Fabrizio couldn’t speak, he only knobbed in agreement looking at Ermal with sad eyes, imagining how much guilt the angel had to feel now.   
“It’s better that we don’t feel, or we would all go crazy.”  
“Yes. But you really didn’t feel anything? I mean, looking at her?”  
“Nothing. I knew what was going on and that her father was wrong. I knew in those moments what I was sepoused to feel, what I would feel if I was human. But I didn’t feel anything.” Ermal looked down almost ashamed. “I only understood how horrible it all was after I felt in love and feel something for the first time.”  
With that sentence being said, Fabrizio understood. He connected the dots and figured the girl Ermal talked about, was the person he felt for, both in love and from Heaven. That fact saddened him for a reason yet unknown to him, but he didn’t let it show.  
“Where is she now? Is she okay?”  
“I don’t know to be completely honest. She lived with her parents until she was eighteen and after that she finally made a life for herself, she was happy, somewhere away from them. For the last few years I didn’t watch her much anymore, I was a bit – distracted.”  
Seeing the look on his face, Fabrizio tried to comfort him.  
“Ermal, please don’t feel guilty for not being able to help her, and everyone else.”  
“I’m not going to say I don’t feel guilty, but I know there was nothing I could do.”  
They were interrupted by the sound coming from Ermal’s stomach.  
“Wow, what was that? It feel like my stomach is shaking inside?” Ermal explained dramatically, putting a hand on his stomach and Fabrizio smiled at him.  
“Your stomach is grunting, you’re hungry.”  
Ermal looked down at the forgotten plate of pasta in his lap and then beck up at Fabrizio. Fabrizio smiled:  
“Go on, eat. We can talk more later.”  
But Ermal didn’t move, he only asked with sadness and fear in his voice:  
“You – you won’t throw me out now?”  
Fabrizio looked at him confused. “Throw you out?” He couldn’t believe Ermal would think that. “No, no why would I? I’ve told you before I want you to stay for as long as you want. This doesn’t change anything.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.”  
Ermal smiled at him. “Thank you.”  
Fabrizio smiled back, and then they eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is something you are interested about the angels and the way they live, please feel free to ask me in the comments and maybe Ermal will answer your questions in one of the next chapters.


	6. The nameless book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you all again for reading, commenting and leaving kudos.  
> I am sorry this chapter is so short, but it's as much as I can get out of myself at the moment.
> 
> Enjoy!

_“For the Fallen to survive in the world of mortals, he needs to be loved by the one he has fallen for.”_

_…_

They had finished their meals in silence and after, Ermal got visible tired. The slight pain in his back and all the new emotions and information had worn him out. Fabrizio looks at him and smiles:  
“Would you like to lay down?”  
“Yes please.”   
He helped him back down and covered him up to his chin.   
“Ermal, I have to go to the store. Is it okay if I leave you alone for an hour or two?”  
Ermal thought for a while but then answer:  
“Yes, I’ll be a sleep anyway.”   
Fabrizio smiled at him and took the plates from the nightstand, leaving the room.  
“Fabrizio!?” Ermal called with an urgency in his voice, and as the other turned back: “Can you – can you stay here until I fall asleep?” The last few words were mumbled in to the sheets.   
“Of course, let me just …” Fabrizio quickly put the plates in to the kitchen and went back, sitting on the edge of the bed looking at Ermal.  
“Can you – could you … maybe – em - …” Ermal’s cheeks blossomed in red and he buried his face in the covers, hiding away in embarrassment. But Fabrizio knew what the other was asking for and he found the angel’s embarrassment so adorable he immediately stood up and went closer.

The moment Ermal feel the moving of the mattress he taught he has gone too far and made Fabrizio leave in anger. But a second later he felt the mattress dip again, right next to him, and a hand was gently placed on his hair. He let out a gasp.   
“Hey, why are you hiding?” Fabrizio asks with a soft voice as he caresses Ermal’s hair. “You know it’s okay. You can always ask me for this.” He smiles and continues slowly stroking and caressing the hair of an angel in his bed. He didn’t know why, but he found no problem in doing so. He pulled the covers down a little to reveal the rosy cheeks of the other.   
“Here, so you won’t suffocate under there.”   
Ermal’s eyes are closed, but his breathing still too fast for him to be asleep. Fabrizio brushes the hair from his forehead.   
“Is this okay? Feels nice?”   
“Mhm” Is the only reply he gets.   
He caresses Ermal’s forehead and follows his hair line with his fingertips, down to Ermal’s cheek, where he gently brushes his cheekbone with the tip of his index finger and then again with the knuckles of three fingers. He leads his hand back in Ermal’s hair and gets lost in the moment of gently touching the other. 

Fabrizio doesn’t notice when Ermal falls asleep, to lost in his ow thoughts and feelings. Once again he thinks what it must be like to never be touched, or loved or cared for properly and the thought makes him sad.  He looks down at now sleeping angel and places his palm on the cheek of the curly one, softly caressing his skin with his thumb. After a few more moments of softness, Fabrizio quietly gets up and leaves the room.

Walking to the nearest store Fabrizio can’t get the angel out of his mind. He thinks about everything Ermal told him and tries to make sense of it. His thoughts are interrupted every now and then with a memory of the other’s smile or the soft breath that would escape him every time Fabrizio touched him. Fabrizio isn’t aware of a fact that he is walking down the streets of Rome with a smile on his face, as the memories play in his head.

His stop at the store is quick, he pikes up some food he know he’ll be able to cook and goes to the part of the shop with coffee, since he ran out of it this morning. He smiles at himself as he remembers the face of an angel when he tried it. So Ermal doesn’t like coffee. But what would he like? Fabrizio looks around himself thinking what would be something Ermal has to try …   
Chocolate! He walks to the shelf with chocolates and picks the most expensive one, it’s his favourite to. Then he looks further, maybe honey? Fabrizio goes to pick that up as well. He goes thru the store taking random items he thinks Ermal might like. In the end he finds himself in front of the part of the store with fruit and vegetables. He collects the vitamins for them and goes to pay.

Once Fabrizio is out of the store his thoughts wanders back to Ermal’s story. It’s not that he doesn’t believe Ermal, but Fabrizio never even thought of angels before and now he suddenly has one in his bed?   
Instead of going home, Fabrizio makes his way the other way. He has to talk with somebody and he knows exactly with whom. It’s cold outside and the cold is biting Fabrizio in his face as he makes his way down the street covered with a thin layer of snow. It’s not a long walk, but the heavy bag in his hand is making his fingers hurt. He puts the bag in the other hand and rings the bell of the building behind the church. A moment later a tiny figure opens the door.  
“Fabrizio? Hello. Come in, come in. Claudio is upstairs in his office.” Mari, a lovely old lady, who helps Claudio with the cooking and maintaining of the rectory, was the one to welcome him at the door.  
“Thank you.” Fabrizio says and smiles at her as she smiles back.   
“I’ll make you a cup of warm tea.” She adds and disappears in the way of the kitchen.   
Fabrizio walks up the stairs and knocks on the second door to the left. After a ‘come in’ he pushes the door open and walks in. Claudio is surprised to see him.  
“Fabrizio! Ciao. Is everything okay?” The question is an old habit Claudio never went over.   
“Ciao, yes, yes, everything is fine.”   
Claudio knobbles and shows Fabrizio a chair in front of his desk. “Tell me than, what brings you here?”  
Fabrizio puts his bag down and sits, answering Claudio with a smile: “Do I have to have a reason to come see an old friend?”  
“No, of course not. You are always welcomed here.”   
They were quiet for a moment as Claudio typed away on his computer and Fabrizio thought how to ask the question that was burning in his head. In the end Fabrizio decided to just ask him straight forward.  
“Claudio, I have a question.”   
“A-ha, I knew you had a good reason to see me.”  Claudio smiled and pushed himself away from the table, turning all the attention to a friend in front of him. “Ask away Fab. No wait! I know, you are getting married and you want me to be the one to officiate your marriage!”   
Fabrizio throws his head back and laughs.  
“No, no, it’s not that. Though if it ever happens, I expect it of you, you know that.” The both men smile at each other. Fabrizio takes a breath and says:   
“Do angels exist?”   
The priest looks at him with: “And where did this come from?”  
“I was just thinking and it came on my mind. I don’t know, they are often used in songs and paintings …” Claudio interrupts him.  
“It just came on your mind?”  
“Yes.”  
“And you thought to come ask me about it?”   
“Yes …”  
Claudio gets up and walks around his desk, leaning on it in front of Fabrizio.  
“Fabri, we’ve been friends for a long time. What is this about? I know you. You wouldn’t have come to me if it was just a thought. Christ. You lived here and never once showed any interest in the religion what so ever. And you never came to me even when things with you were serious.”   
They hear a soft knock on the door and Mari stumbles in with two cups of tea. They each take one with a thank you and Mari leaves, but not before touching Fabrizio’s shoulder affectionately.  Claudio continues with a gentler voice:   
“Fabrizio you know you can trust me. Please tell me what this is really about?”   
Fabrizio swallowed hard looking in the eyes of his friend. A friend who helped him at his worst. A friend he trusted with his life. And yet:  
“I can’t Claudio. I can’t.   
For a moment they stared at each other with an intense look but then Claudio broke the silence.   
“Okay, I don’t need to know about it, if you don’t want to share. But just tell me this, are you okay? This isn’t something …”  
“Yes, yes I am. I promise. I’m doing well.”  
“Good.”

“Now tell me what exactly you want to know?”   
“Claudio, is it possible for an angel to fall? Has there ever been a fallen angel on Earth?”  
The priest looks at him. “You know the story of Lucifer, don’t you?”  
“I’m not interested in myths.”   
“I see.” Claudio puts the cup down. “Come.”  
They walk down stairs and in to the basement.  Fabrizio has been to the basement before but he never liked the place. The room was small and poorly lighted, the walls were covered in shelfs filled with books. The smell of decaying parchment was filling the cold air. Claudio walked deeper in to the room and took a book from one of the shelfs in the back. Fabrizio looked at the book. It was old and, it’s back was broken many times, but the front covers were empty. Even when Claudio placed the book on a small table in front of him and started leafing thru it the first page held no name.  The inside of the book was handwritten and the photos were illustrations. Somewhere toward the end of the book, Claudio stopped.   
“Here” he turned the book to Fabrizio “this is her.”  
Fabrizio looked down and the first thing he noticed was the illustration on the left page. The illustration was precise, the tine lines were showing a young woman lying on the ground naked. On her back you could see scars similar to Ermal’s only that one of them had something stuck inside. Taking a closer look, Fabrizio noticed it was a part of here wing, still attached to her. On the woman’s face he saw fear and pain. The text on the right was in a beautiful curved handwriting, but trying to read it, Fabrizio found it was in old Latin. Claudio spoke again:  
“Her name was Silvia, she was found in front of this church, shortly after it was build. Constantin II, who was a priest here back then, found here. He first thought it to be a scam, a prank, but once she spoke, she told him everything, and he believed her. He wanted to declare it a miracle, an angel who fell on the ground of a newly build church. But the head of the church didn’t see it as such. They compared her with Lucifer, believed she was evil. Why would an angel ever fall on earth? They took her away.” Claudio turns the page to reveal another illustration and more handwritten text. This illustration is different, Fabrizio still recognize the same woman, but her hair is cut short, she is bleeding from the side and her ankles and wrists are chained. He can’t take his eyes away from her.  Claudio continues: “They tortured her, tried to prove she was a fraud or the devil, but she refused to talk to anyone but Constantin. Constantin disagreed with their methods so he left. What happened then, I don’t know, but it says right here, she died shortly after. But not under the hand of anyone of the torturers.”   
Still pointing at the page, Claudio looks up at his friend. Fabrizio is still looking down at the illustration. But now he doesn’t see the face of a woman anymore, the image in his head is replaced by the face of an angel who is sleeping in his bed at home.   
“Fabrizio, is this what you wanted to know?” He asked quietly, gently. Fabrizio doesn’t answer but askes again:  
“Was there anymore? More fallen angels?”  
“The stories of fallen angels were always whispered around, but none of them is as well documented as this one.”   
Fabrizio is looking at Claudio with a horrified expresion.  
“Claudio, I have to go. Thank you for everything.” He leaves the place before Claudio can say anything. He picks up the bag from the office and he is at the front door, but is stopped by the priest itself.   
“I’ll see you on Sunday?”   
“Yes.”  
“Take care Fabrizio.”  
“Good bye.” And he is gone, out of the door like a wind, without another word.

Walking back home as fast as he can, Fabrizio stopes at the store again. He buys Ermal a tooth brush and a pair of underwear.


	7. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi darlings, thank you for your comments and kudos.   
> Here's a new chapter, enjoy.

 

_"With hope the Fallen might rise again."_

 

_..._

 

Fabrizio almost ran the rest of the way home. Storming through the front door, he went straight to the bedroom. For some reason he thought he will find an empty bed with ruffled sheets, Ermal nowhere to be seen … But that wasn’t the case. An angel was still sleeping peacefully, just like Fabrizio left him two hours ago. Fabrizio let out a breath of relief and gently moved away a curl, which fell on Ermal’s closed eyes while he was asleep. He was okay, nothing happened to him, nobody took him away. And nobody will. Fabrizio will make sure of that. The illustration from the book made a permanent home in his head, how could they be so cruel with this gentle creature?  If she was anything like Ermal, so helpless in this new life, like a new born baby, how could they do it to her? Torture her? Fabrizio didn’t know what kind of torture it was, but if anyone was to do as little as screw a hair from Ermal’s head, he was ready to rise hell.

Fabrizio left the room to put the things he bought away. Staffing his fridge he heard a faint: “Fabrizio?” Being called from the bedroom.   
“I’m here!” He returned the call.  From the now almost empty bag he took a piece of fruit and washed it. He hide it behind his back and went to Ermal. Ermal was laying in the sheets but now with his eyes wide open, smiling as he sees Fabrizio.  
“You’re back?”  
“Yes and I brought you something.”   
Ermal tries to sit up in excitement, but fails to do so alone, so Fabrizio helps him up with one hand.    
“Here.” Fabrizio places the round piece of fruit in Ermal’s lap. Ermal pikes it up with both hands.  
“An apple?” He is touching its surface with his fingers, feeling the texture of it.   
Now Fabrizio feels a little dumb. This is probably the first gift the angel has ever received, or at least his first gift here on Earth, and Fabrizio gave him an apple!? How pathetic … He didn’t finish his thought, because a pair of long arms has been thrown around his neck and he could feel a warm body being pressed to him.  Ermal hugged him, the spite the pain the sadden movement made him feel in his back. Mumbled in Fabrizio’s neck he whispered:  
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Over and over again, and Fabrizio hugged him back, caressing his curls with one hand, all the bad thoughts long forgotten.   
“You’re welcome. You said earlier something about that we know how apples taste and I want you to know as well.”   
“Thank you.”  
“That’s okay now. Aren’t you going to try it?” Fabrizio smiles, still holding Ermal close.  
“Yes.” Ermal staid in the hug for a moment longer and then slowly untangled himself. Taking the apple back in his hands, he took a bite and carefully started to chew.  
“Mmmm, it’s good.” He said after the first bite, closing his eyes, enjoying the taste.  
“Describe the taste to me?”  
“It’s sweet at first, the texture in my mouth feels watery, but then it turns a bit sour, but still tastes good. I like it.” Ermal takes another bite. “I like it a lot.”  
“I don’t think I had ever meet somebody so excited over apples.”   
Ermal just smiled at him with the mouth full of the sweet fruit.   
“I’ve got you more things to try if you want.”  
Ermal makes big eyes: “Really? Can I?”  
“Of course, I’ll go get them.” Fabrizio leaves Ermal still eating his apple and collects all the things he bought. He carries them back and puts them on his bed. Ermal is following him with his eyes, jumping from one thing to the other, he doesn’t leave them for too long on anything, to exited to do so.   
“What would you like to try first?”  
“Emmm …” He takes a yellow lollipop in his hands. “This one!” He unwrapped the candy with the excitement of a child. “Mmmm, it’s so sweet! Yam! What is it?” he pointed to a candy he pulled out of his mouth with a pop.  
“Lollipop, kids love them, this one is made of caramel.”  
“Mmmm, I love it to.” He put the candy back in its foil. “Can I save it for later? I want to try everything!”   
Fabrizio smiled at the enthusiastic angel and opened a pack of popcorn. “Try this next.”    
Ermal took a handful and put it in his mouth. “It’s crispy and -” He chewed some more “and salty as hell.” He made a face.   
“It’s what we eat during movies in cinema.”   
“Oh I know, I love movies.”  
“You do?”  
“Yes. We would sometimes watch them. You know when the human you watched over was watching a movie, you would watch to.”  
“Are you serious?” Fabrizio laughed.   
“Yes,” Ermal replied smiling, “do you know how frustrating it is when you are watching a movie and then, during the commercial break, the mortal changes to another program and forgets about the movie? This was one of those times I wished we had some kind of power over you!”   
Fabrizio throws his head back in laughter again and Ermal starts laughing to. Fabrizio noticed how beautiful the other’s laughter was.   
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry to all the angels who I made suffer because of this, better?”   
Ermal nobs.  
“Now try this.” He picks a strawberry and gives it to Ermal, but instead of taking the fruit from his hand, Ermal just bites into it.   
“O nom, this is so good! And it smells is so sweet! I had strawberries before, but they didn’t have a taste. It’s almost better than apples.”  
“Almost better then apples, ha?” Fabrizio said teasingly.  
“ALMOST. Nothing will ever be better than apples!” Ermal said defensively but with a happy face.  
“We’ll see about that.” He took the chocolate in his hands and gave Ermal a piece.   
“Chocolate! I was excited to try it. You mortals seems to be obsessed with it. Let me see what all the fuss is about!” He put the piece in his mouth.   
“Don’t swallow it right away, let it melt in your mouth.” Fabrizio instructed.   
After a moment Ermal closed his eyes and let out a pleasant sound.  
“Yes, I get it. It’s AMAZING! I can’t find the words to describe it in all the languages I know.”  
Fabrizio smirked: “But the question is, is it better than apples?”   
“It’s – ugggh – maybe just this once, it can be as good as apples.”  
“Sure.” Fabrizio took a bite himself.   
They spend the rest of the day, trying different foods Fabrizio bought. Ermal liked the majority of things, but non tasted better then apples.

Just before they fell asleep, Fabrizio asked Ermal if it was okay for him to leave him alone for a while again the next morning? He missed his job and made a plan to be back before Ermal even wakes up. Angel told him it was okay and not to worry about it. After that they had fallen asleep, once again each on their own side of the same bed.

_  
_ When Fabrizio came back the next morning the sun hasn’t raised properly yet. ‘Morning shifts’ were never profitable, the only people on the streets were the one rushing to their jobs and didn’t have much time to stop at the musician, or the one rushing home from their night jobs, who were too tired to care for the music. But he didn’t care. A few coins was still better than no money at all. He made a mental note to himself, to call Andrea if he could play a gig in his bar on Friday and put his guitar down in the hallway, going in to the bedroom.

Panic took over immediately as he found the bed empty. The image of the previous day, a tortured angel with Erma’s face, returned to his mind.   
“Ermal …” An almost voiceless sound left his lips, as he started to went thru the bedding, like he could find Ermal hiding under the pillow. And then he heard a laugh coming from the living room. A really beautiful, reach laugh. Fabrizio knew it was Ermal’s. He rushed on the other side of his apartment to find a curly angel siting on the couch in front of tv.   
“Ermal?”  
The other turned around. “Fabrizio! You’re back! You have to see this, look!” He pointed at tv where some funny homemade videos were playing. The panic left Fabrizio’s body when he saw a bright smile on Ermal’s face and he set down next to him.   
“How did you get to the living room?”   
“Oh, I’m batter. I can now walk almost without pain.” Ermal smiled at him.  
“That’s great.”   
Ermal laughed at the tv again and Fabrizio hopped the program would never end, that laugh was something he could get used to. Not paying attention to the tv, he didn’t notice when the program was over. Ermal turned his face to him with a big smile. Fabrizio smiled back.   
“So you woke up and went to watch tv?” Ermal’s face dropped.   
“Sorry, I shouldn’t do that?”   
“N-no, of course you should. You can do whatever you want. I was just worried you were gone …” Fabrizio looked away from him.  
“Gone? Gone where? I wouldn’t just leave.”  
“I know you wouldn’t. I thought they took you.” Fabrizio felt the pain in his chest at the thought of Ermal being gone.   
“Took me? Who? Fabrizio?”  
“Ermal I need to tell you something.” Fabrizio took a deep breath. “Yesterday, I went to talk to somebody, somebody who know about angels.”  
“Claudio.”  
“Yes, how do you know?”  
“I’ve told you I had watched you in Heaven. I knew when I told you about me, that you would want to talk to him sooner or later.”  
“You did? It’s not that I don’t believe you. I do. It just seems so surreal.   
“It’s okay, I would want to talk to somebody to if you were to tell me you’re a werewolf or something.” Ermal smiled brightly at him. Fabrizio felt easier.   
“He told me … am … he told me about another fallen angel.”  
Ermal got a sad expression on his face, looking down at his lap.  
“Who?”  
“Silvia.”  
“I remember her.”   
“He told me what happened to her. I am so sorry.”   
“Why?”  
Fabrizio is confused. “What do you mean ‘why’, she was tortured to death.”   
“No she wasn’t. Did he told you she died in a prison cell in catacombs under the Vatican?”  
“Yes.”  
“She didn’t. She was actually the one who gave us hope.” Ermal finally smiled a little.   
“But the book said …” “Did it? Good. That’s what they planned. The truth was never to come out and I’m glad to see, that after all this time it still didn’t.” Ermal interrupted.   
“Then what happened?”   
“After Silvia felt in love whit that priest … am.” Ermal brushes his forehead, trying to remember the name.   
“Constantin.”  
“Yes! Constantin. She decided to fall. She survived the fall and was found by him. But shortly after she was captured and locked in the catacombs. You already know about the part with torturing. What does the book say then?”  
Fabrizio thinks for a while, trying not to lose any part of the story, but when he can’t remember anything else he says:  
“Constantin disagrees with torturing and leaves. And she - she dies.”  
Ermal nobs.    
“Yes, he did disagree, but he never left her, no. He would sneak in to the catacombs, whenever he could, to talk to her more. He wanted to help her,” Ermal smiles at Fabrizio, “he felled in love with her to.”   
Fabrizio looks at Ermal’s happy face with a soft look. Of course he has fallen in love with her to. Who wouldn’t fell in love with an angel? If she was anything like Ermal … he didn’t finish the thought before Ermal started speaking again.   
“They made a plan, to help her escape. They needed to wait for the right opportunity. And it came sooner than they thought. There was a big fire on one of the streets of Rome, Constantin stool a completely burnt body from the ruins of a destroyed house. The next night, he freed her, leaving the burned body behind. They made everyone believe it was her’s.”  
“But how? Did they burn the catacombs? To make it look believable?” Fabrizio wondered.   
“No. One of the first things Constantin had to ask her under the prying eyes of her supervisors was why she had fallen. She didn’t tell the truth, only later to Constantin alone, but not to the head of the church. But she did tell them one other thing -” Ermal paused and took a breath, this was important, once Fabrizio learns this, his life is in Fabrizio’s hands completely. He looked Fabrizio in the eye and said with a small voice: “If the Fallen want’s to survive in the world of mortals, it needs to be loved by the one it has fallen for.”   
Fabrizio’s heart broke. What else do those poor creatures have to go thru, aren’t the broken wings enough? And what if they’re not loved? How much time do they have? How much time does Ermal have? He didn’t dare ask. Ermal looked back down, confused by Fabrizio’s silence and sad expression on his face.   
“Well she didn’t tell them with those exact words. She said she had to be loved, or else she’ll turn to ashes. You can only imagine how they interpreted: ‘to be loved’, it only caused her more torture.” They are both silent for a while, Ermal is still looking down and Fabrizio is looking at him. Yes, if anyone was to hurt Ermal, he would rise hell, but what will he do it the girl Ermal told him about won’t love him back? How will he save him then? He didn’t want to think about this, of course she will love him back. Of course she will.   
“So that’s why they believed the burned body.” He gently added. “Is that true? If you’re not loved by the right person, you will turn to ash and die?”  
“Yes,” Ermal said, “but not like that all at once. It happens slowly, piece by piece, our body’s turn to ash. When it reaches the heart, we die.”   
“That is – horrible.” Fabrizio doesn’t know what else to say. “But Ermal, if she survived, how do you know what can happen to you?”  
Ermal finally looks back up at Fabrizio;  


“She wasn’t the first I saw fall.”


	8. The little green ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drinking game from chapter three (I think it was chapter three) continuous, take a shot every time you read the word 'took' in any form.  
> Jokes aside, thank you all so much for the lovely comments and kudos. I'm happy you all liked the fact Silvia survived, please don't kill me after this chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. So far the opening quotes had always been my own, but I stumbled upon this one a while ago and I thought it fits perfectly.

_“In the name of love an angel goes through hell …”  
_ _\- r.h. Sin (Whiskey, Words & a Shovel)_

_…_

“Oh.” Fabrizio said. He didn’t know whether or not he should ask Ermal to tell him more, but before he had a chance to decide, the angel already started talking.   
“There were many before and after her, or so I’ve heard, but the first one I remember seeing, we called Marco.” Ermal’s eyes dropped down and he got a sad expression on his face again.   
“You don’t need to tell me …” Fabrizio quietly said, but Ermal continued anyway.   
“He felled in love with a girl named Anna. She was beautiful, blonde. It took Marco one look at her and he was completely gone. Back then I couldn’t understand. Now I can.” The spite the sadness in his eyes, a small smile played on the angel’s lips. “… Well, Marco was in love and she was promised in to a marriage to some rich nobleman. But Anna wasn’t only beautiful, she was also smart. She didn’t want to marry for fortune, she wanted to marry out of love. It wasn’t very common than, and women didn’t have much rights anyway. So the nobleman accused her of witchcraft. Her looks, her knowledge of healing plants, and the fact that she didn’t want to get married, were enough to convince people she was in fact a witch.”   
Fabrizio looked at him with wide eyes.  
“Have they …?”  
“Mhm,” Ermal nobed. “It was then when Marco decided to fall. When he heard the accusations he wanted to save her. But he –  when he hit the Earth, he was dead already. The fall killed him.” Ermal looked down, his curls hiding his eyes again, he seemed to be deep in thoughts.   
“And Anna?” Fabrizio carefully asked. “Did she survive?”  
“No. They burnet her. I think it was almost better Marco didn’t made it, at least he didn’t have to watch her die. And – and at least his death was fast.”    
Seeing the angel so broken, Fabrizio wanted to hug him, to make him feel better somehow. But he knew all this memories are something Ermal will have to carry with him forever. He now understood why not being able to feel, was merciful to angels.   
“A merciful death.” Fabrizio said out loud.   
“Yes. Not all of us were that lucky.”   
This words were like a string thru Fabrizio’s heart.   
“Ermal, you won’t – die. I - I - you won’t.”  
“It’s okay. I always knew there was a small chance for a Fallen to live a mortal life. But … I had to try.”

They were both quiet for a while. Ermal didn’t look up.  
“I had to. I couldn’t live up there like that.”   
“You said you would never fell out of love, didn’t you.”   
“Yes … Dino, Dino tried.”   
Fabrizio got a bit closer to the angel now because the other was almost whispering.   
“He – he, was the one telling us the stories of the Fallen, how they never end up well. He saw Marco. We never thought he could ever fall in love. But he did. She was a child when he first saw her. A child with sun kissed skin and bare feet. He felt in love when she got married. Dino didn’t want to fall, not because of the pain, or the fact he couldn’t be with her. He didn’t want to fall, because she was happy. He watched her, her whole life, and when she died, he took her soul to Heaven. All this time he loved her, but he also felt everything else. The sadness when she got sick, the pain when she lost a child, the heartbreak when she died. And when she did, Dino never got back to not feeling. He was heartbroken, sad and still in love. Even when watching other people, he felt everything. He started losing his mind. He was screaming down at human stupidity, cruelty, ignorance … He would pull his hair, cry …” Ermal let out a sob. Fabrizio looked up at him in surprise.   
“He was in so much p-pain.” Another involuntary sob left Ermal’s lips. “I ca-n’t even imagin-e.”    
Fabrizio’s heart got broken again at the view of an angel, and it was visible in his eyes. Before he could stop himself, he reached forward.   
“Oh come here.” Fabrizio took an angel in front of him, which now started crying violently, in his arms. He wrapped him up in a tight hug, rocking them both slightly to calm Ermal down as he was crying in his chest. When the sobs calmed a little, the curly haired started speaking again.   
“He – he let himself fall eight years later, on what would have been her birthday, with his only intention being a fast death.” He snift. “But he wasn’t that lucky, he survived the fall, his wings were thorn away from him and his loved one was death. He crawled the Earth, loveless, alone, his body slowly turning black, until it finally reached his heart. Turning to ash, he-e died.” Ermal started crying again. Fabrizio heled him tighter, pulling him up a bit so the angel’s face was now in the crock of his neck. He caressed his back gently, making slow circles there, while he still rocked them slightly and whispered in his ear.  
“It’s okay, shhh, shhh, let it all out, let all the tears out. Shhh, it’s okay.” He held him and let him cry.  
“That’s – that’s why we don’t feel. It would be too-o much.” Ermal tried talking thru the tears, until he completely gave in and just held to Fabrizio tightly.

Fabrizio held him as he cried. He held him when the sobs stopped. And he still held him when his breathing got slower and the angel felt asleep out of exhaustion in his arms.

He laid back, so his head was on armrest of his couch and the angel under his chin. “You will be loved.” He whispered in the hair of the other, before his eyes closed as well.

 

The first to wake up was Ermal. When he saw the position he was in, he set up and wined at the pain that that cost him. The sudden movement woke Fabrizio to.   
“I’m sorry for … for this.” Ermal made a move with his hand, mimicking the position they were in just a moment ago, turning his face away. Fabrizio smiled at his embarrassment, so he was back to normal, that was a good news. He set up to and hugged the angel who slightly yelped, a bit lighter this time.    
“I’ve told you, you don’t need to be embarrassed for liking human contact. It’s normal, we all do. And friends always comfort each other.”  
“We’re friends?” Ermal asked with eyes full of hope.  
“Well yes, yes we are.”   
Ermal didn’t know what to say or do, so he squeezed Fabrizio’s leg, just above the knee, hoping the other will understand. Fabrizio did, and squeezed Ermal’s hand in return.

Ermal was the one to brake the moment, with an almost embarrassed voice he said:  
“I’m hungry.”   
“Oh are you now?” Fabrizio asked cheekily   
“Yes.”  
“Do you want to go back to bed to rest some more, or would you like to wait here, while I make us …” He looked at the clock on the wall. “Lunch?”   
“I’m not tired.”   
“Okay, then watch tv and I’ll go cook.” He stood up and went to the kitchen.

Fabrizio didn’t yet started cooking when a curious looking angel joined him.   
“I want to help.”   
Fabrizio looked at him. “You really don’t have to. I’m almost done anyway.”  
“Noooo, but I want to.”  
“Ermal there is really nothing you can do, I just need to wait for this pasta to boil, and I’m done.” Fabrizio replied as he put the pasta in the pot.   
But Ermal was quicker, he took a hold of a knife that Fabrizio left on a cutting board, and a half cut tomato next to it, aiming to cut it.   
“Oh, no, no, no.” Fabrizio took him by the wrist and swiped the knife away from his hands.  
“But I want to help!” The angel was now pouting.  
“Yes, but have you ever used a knife before?”  
“No?”  
“No. I thought so. Ermal I don’t want you to cut your finger of.”   
“But I want to help!”  
“Okay, okay, you can …” Fabrizio looks around. There is really nothing the curly head could do, the pasta is boiling and so is the sauce next to it, he only needs to add some more fresh tomatoes and some spices in it and it will be ready. And Fabrizio can’t risk the other to cut his finger of so he got an idea. “I know what you can do!”  
He stapes closer to Ermal and takes him by the waist, he puts him on top of the kitchen counter as the other lets out a surprised yelp.   
“You can sit here and be good company to me.” Fabrizio smiles at the angel’s still surprised face. However, Ermal recovers quickly.  
“That’s not real help!”  
“Would you let me finish? Thank you. You will also be the official food tester.”  
Ermal looked Fabrizio in the eye, searching for some kind of irony or mockery, or maybe a hint of a smile that would give Fabrizio away, but the other seemed to be dead serious about it.   
“Okay.” Ermal agreed.  
“Yes?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good.” Fabrizio quickly cut the rest of tomatoes and put them in a pan with sauce, while the angel swung his feet, waiting. The view of a grown man sitting on his counter, swinging his feet, eyes open in anticipation like a child, and a head full of beautiful curls, made Fabrizio smile to himself.   
He took a wooden spoon and mixed the ingredients in the pan. He then took a spoonful of sauce and blow at it, turning it to Ermal.  
“Blow.” He instructed and Ermal did. Then he tried the sauce.   
“And? How is it?”  
“It’s – emmm – sweet.”   
“Sweet?” Fabrizio raised an eyebrow. “Let me try.” He took a spoonful of sauce for himself.  
“Oh! I forgot pepper and salt.”   
Ermal giggled at that. “I’m doing my job right!”   
“You are,” Fabrizio said smiling, “here, try it again now. Blow first!”   
“Mmmmm, it tastes good.”   
“Okay, I trust your taste. You think I should add anything else?”  
“Yes! The … emmm?” Ermal brushed his nose, trying to remember the word. “The … bizele, erbse, hrášek …” He starts listing.  
Fabrizio chuckles: “You can’t remember the word in Italian?”  
“No.” Ermal says defeated, but tries again: “The … the little green ones!” He even raises his hand, showing a little space between the two of his fingers. By now Fabrizio has a clear idea of what the other means.   
“You want me to add peas in it?” He asks smiling.  
“Yeeees! Peas! That’s the word!”   
“Peas in tomato sauce? You sure about that?”  
“I saw some people eat it that way, I want to try.”   
“Well they sure weren’t Italian.” Fabrizio said, but went to get some peas from the freezer anyway.   
“Anything else you’d like to add?”  
“This!” Ermal pointed to a small glass bottle.  
“No, no cinnamon in this sauce.” Fabrizio smiled.  
“Than this.” Ermal pointed to another bottle.  
“Basil. Yes, we can add that.” Fabrizio put some of the dried pieces of leafs in the sauce. “You’d like to mix?”   
Ermal nobed excitedly and took an offered spoon. Fabrizio decanted off the water from the pasta and then put it the sauce.  
“Why are you doing this?” Ermal asked.  
“Putting the pasta in the sauce? It will taste better. Here …” He took the macaron that hasn’t touched the sauce yet and put it in front of Ermal’s lips, “try this.”   
Ermal bit it from the fork. “But it tastes good.  
“Yes, now try this.” He took another macaron from the sauce. Ermal tried it.  
“Okay, this tastes better.”   
“Here is the thing, you never cook the pasta in the water completely, you put it in the sauce to cook for a few minutes until it’s done. It’s best that way.”   
“Oh? I didn’t know.”   
“Now you do. It’s almost ready.” Fabrizio mixed the pasta with the sauce. “Can you take two plates from the top l…” Ermal has already opened the correct cabinet and now had two plates in hands.   
“Em, okay … put them on the table, I’ll bring the rest.”

They set down around the small round table.  
“I’m happy you’re feeling good enough to eat at the table.” Fabrizio smiled at Ermal.  
“Aren’t meals in bed quite popular?”   
“Breakfast in bed maybe, yes, but all the meals in bed are only popular in hospitals.”   
“Breakfasts in bed are romantic, I saw couples do it.” Ermal blushed looking down at his plate.   
“Yes, they can be.” Fabrizio smiled at the angel’s complete innocents.   
“Did you ever had a breakfast in bed?” Ermal now asked curious.  
“Well, I had one with you the other day, didn’t I?”  
“Noooo,” Ermal blushed again, “I meant, had anyone ever made you breakfast in bed?”   
“No,” Fabrizio socked his head, “not like that.”   
“Were you never in love, Fabrizio?”  
“I … Where are all this questions coming from now? Of course I’ve been in love before. But people I loved usually didn’t love me back.”   
Ermal stayed silent after that. He watched Fabrizio, so he knew the other didn’t have many romantic interests in the past decade, but what was before that, he didn’t know. He was happy when Fabrizio decided to change the topic.    
“Ermal, after lunch, if you’ll still be feeling well, we could go out on a walk, what do you think?”   
Ermal smiled, a walk in the snow, that is romantic to.  
“I’d like that.” He replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, If anyone wants to come say hi or has any questions about the story, here is my tumblr: https://justanothersideblog6.tumblr.com/


	9. Innocents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings! I am so sorry it has been so long since the last update, but the new chapter is finally here and I think it quite fits todays Valentine's team. 
> 
> Also, I am very sorry for not replying on your comments, please don't think they are not appreciate, they really are. Every single one of them makes me so happy, and I always reread them before I start writing a new chapter. Thank you so much for writing them.  
> But lately I've been so low on energy, I had to focuse it on other things, I'm sorry. I might go back and replay on them, once I feel better.
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter.

_"People, like angels, are good at heart."_

_  
…_

  
After lunch Fabrizio set Ermal down in the living room again, to check his scars before going out. When he unwrapped the bandages he took a deep breath. The wounds were healed, the only reminder of them were two thin lines, even paler than Ermal’s skin, going down his back.  
“Ermal, your scars … they are gone!”  
“I’m a fast healer, I’ve told you.” Ermal replied with a smile.  
“Does it still hurts though?”  
“A little. When I move to fast or if I lay on my back for too long. Can we go out now?”  
Fabrizio smiled, the angel was impatient like a little kid on a first snowy day.  
“Sure, but first, warm clothes.” He throw away used bandages and then noticed the sad look on the other’s face.  
“Ermal, is something wrong?”  
“I don’t have any.”  
“You don’t have what?”  
“Cloths.”  
Fabrizio smiled, he found he’s been smiling a lot since the certain angel entered his life, and added:  
“You will borrow some of mine, it’s not a problem, and then if you want we can go buy you some?”  
“Yes, please. Can we?” The angel answer, now with a bright smile and shiny eyes.  
“Of course. Now, back to the bedroom, let’s see if I have any jeans that fit you.”  
“But … “  
“Yes?”  
“I don’t have any money.” The angel’s face dropped again and Fabrizio couldn’t help but roll his eyes.  
“I have it, silly.”  
“But –“  
“No but’s Ermal. You dropped down from Heaven two days ago. I found you in a state no human would survive. You were bleeding, cold and barely breathing. Do you really think I will let you freeze now, just because you have no money? After I’ve seen you like that?” Fabrizio raised his voice while speaking without knowing, or wanting to do so, but he found himself breathless by the time he was done. He took a breath and added gently:  
“Ermal, I promised I’ll help you, that promise still stands.   
Ermal raised his eyes to look at Fabrizio, moved by his words, but still curious.  
“But, why are you helping me? I have nothing- …”  
“I had nothing. Years back, I had nothing, no one … Claudio offered me help. Selflessly, wanting nothing in return. Because of that, I’m still here today. I own him everything and he still wants nothing. I don’t believe in God, or in fate, not even in karma, but I do believe in good of people. Claudio proofed it to me. And I want to proof it to you. People are good. I want to help you, because I can.”  
Ermal’s eyes filled with tears listening to Fabrizio’s words. Not that he needed it, but this words reminded him why he fell for Fabrizio. Ermal slowly got closer to him and hugged him. Fabrizio wrapped his arms around the angel.  
“Thank you Fabrizio. For everything.”  
“You thanked me a thousand times already, Ermal. I’ve told you it’s okay.” He rubed his back. “Now let’s go on a walk before it gets dark outside.”

High boots Fabrizio let Ermal borrow hide the fact that the Jeans he was wearing were just a little too short for him. The belt heled them up from slipping of his waist. But apart from that, Ermal looked decent in Fabrizio’s clothes. Wrapped in warm fabric from head to toe, Ermal was buzzing with excitement to go out. Fabrizio unlocked the door and let them out.  
The moment he stepped out, the cold hit Ermal in the face, the little of his skin that was exposed, and Ermal’s body shook.  
“Ermal, are you cold? Want another scarf?”  
“No. I just remembered I don’t like snow.”  
“Oh?”  
“It was so cold when I fell.”  
“Right, I forgot. Do you want to go back ins- …”  
“Fabri look, a kitty! A little kitten! Here kitty kitty!” Ermal ran of before Fabrizio could finished his sentence about going back inside, forgetting about the cold. The cat he was now running after, Fabrizio recognized as his old neighbour’s cat, that was in no way a kitten any more, but a fully grown and quite fat cat. He looked at the angel running around his apartment building, trying to catch a fat orange cat, and laughted.  
“Ermal, you’re scaring him, slow down a little.” He managed to get out between laughing. Ermal didn’t seem to her him, he was so focused on trying to catch the cat, the whole world around him disappeared. It was all fine, until the cat ran toward the road and Ermal ran after him. Fabrizio seemed to be the only one who saw the approaching car.  
“Ermal! Stop! THE CAR!”  
Ermal caught the cat just before steeping on the road and turned around happily, not even noticing the car that passed by and would surely hit him if he stepped a step further.  
“Oooo, so soft! He is so soft,” he lifted the cat up and buried his face in the orange fur, “Fabrizio look, he is so warm and soft!” The cat stopped struggling and let himself be carried and pathed by the angel. Ermal carried him to Fabrizio that was standing in front of the door, with his heart in his throat, still in shock.  
“He is buzzing! O Fabrizio look, he likes me!”  
“Ermal.”  
“So soft, cute kitty kitty …”  
“Ermal!”  
The angel finally raised his head to look at Fabrizio, his smile dropped as he saw the serious expression on Fabrizio’s face.  
“Ermal you almost got run over by a car.”  
“I – I didn’t, I’m sorry … I didn’t notice … I’m - …” Ermal made a sad face and Fabrizio pulled him closer in to a hug. The cat between them mewed in the protest, but they didn’t care.  
“Ermal you need to be more careful, you scared me to death.”  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”  
“I know. New rule, you’re not leaving my side until … until I teach you how to be human. The world is dangerous. Okay?”  
“Okay.” Ermal said with a voice of a child that has just been sculled.  
The cat mewed again and they both looked down. Fabrizio smiled.  
“If I remember right, his name is Garfield, after the cat from the movie.”  
“Oh, I love him. He is cute and soft.” Ermal buried his face in the cat’s fur again and sneezed.   
“Blas you.” Fabrizio replayed and Ermal sneezed again. And again. He looked at Fabrizio with a scandalous look.  
“Why am I doing this?” Another sneeze followed.  
“Well, I think you might be allergic to cats.”  
“I’m allergic to Garfield?” Ermal said horrified.  
“No, I’m afraid you are allergic to all the cats.” Ermal looked even more horrified. “It’s okay, it can be helped with pills. Plus, there is many more soft animals that like to be pet.”  
Ermal scratched the cat’s ears and then placed a gentle kiss on his head.  
“I’m sorry, but I have to let you go.” He whispered to the cat, his words were backed up by yet another sneeze. He gently put the cat on the floor. Garfield run away with his tail raised high as to say: my pride wasn’t hurt. Ermal watched after him, until the cat disappeared thru the opened window of his owner.  
“Come on, let’s go.” Fabrizio gently nuzzled Ermal’s shoulder to get his attention.

They walked down the snowy streets of Rome, Ermal staying close to Fabrizio, as he promised, but stopping at every interesting thing he found on the way, trying to touch every leaf and every stone, he could. Fabrizio found it assuming, he didn’t remember the last time he had so much fun just walking down the street.  
“Look, if I blow,” Ermal demonstrated his words by blowing the hot air out of his mouth, “I can make a cloud!” Fabrizio smiled fondly ad him, when Ermal kept making little ‘clouds’. He couldn’t believe the innocence of the angel.  
They were just a few minutes away from the store Fabrizio was taking them to, when Ermal saw something interesting on the other side of the street, and tried to cross it, but Fabrizio pulled him back, by his hand, he managed to catch in the last moment.  
“Ermal, cars. Remember?” The narrow street was empty at the moment, but Fabrizio didn’t want to ever feel the fear he felt before, when the car almost run the angel over. Ermal stopped and knobbed.  
“Before you cross the road you need to look left and right, to see if the road is empty. I’m sure you saw people do that.”  
Ermal knobbed again, with a serious expression: “I’ll remember.”  
“And it’s better if you find the pedestrian crossing anyway, it’s safer. And if it has a traffic light, you only cross it when the light is - …”  
“Green!” Ermal smiled proudly like he just won a prize on a tv quiz, with his correct answer.  
“Yes, good, that’s right.  But you always have to make sure you look left and right, okay? Even at the traffic lights.”  
“Okay,” Ermal looked left and right and pulled Fabrizio’s hand he never let go of, “we can cross now!”  
They crossed and continued their way down the street.

They walked in to the store, still hand in hand, where were greeted by a young woman.  
“Hello, how can I help you?”  
“I need clothes.” It was Ermal who spoke.  
“You’re in the right place than,” the lady smiled, “are you looking for something specific? Maybe more formal, or just casual?”  
“Emmm … I don’t know?”  
“Casual.” Fabrizio helped him.  
The lady walked them to the part of the store with jeans and t-shirts and was then swapped away by another costumer, who needed her assistance.     
Ermal took a look around a bit confused. “Where do I start?”  
“Maybe pick something you like, anything you want, and we’ll start from there.”  
“Anything I want?” Ermal asked with sparkling eyes.  
“Anything you want.”  
Ermal let go of Fabrizio’s hand and started going around the store, picking everything from trousers, shirts, even a pair of very colourful socks. He came back with hands full of things he wanted to try.  
“Look at this jacket, so sparkly, and this shirt …” Ermal keep on rambling while Fabrizio showed him to the changing room, and Ermal started trying on his clothes. The shirts he picked were very colourful, but they fitted him perfectly. The first pair of jeans he tried, not so much, so Fabrizio went to change it for a smaller size. When he came back, Ermal already tried on another pair of pants. Black leather ones. Fabrizio looked at him, he had to admit the pants fitted Ermal perfectly and that he looked good in them, but black leather pants? Fabrizio woden’t even wear something like that to one of his bar gigs, let along on a normal day.  
“You like this?” He pointed at the pants.  
“Yes! They are smooth and shiny!”  
“Smoot and shiny are the qualities you’re looking in for in pants?” Fabrizio smiled brightly.  
“Yes.  
“Then we’re buying them.”  
“Thank you!” Ermal squcked excitedly and closed the curtain again, to try on the pair of jeans Fabrizio gave him.  
Fabrizio did another few trips around the store, changing the items Ermal picked up for different sizes. When he was looking for a shirt with an interesting pattern the lady from before approached him.  
“I found this, I think your boyfriend might like it?” She showed Fabrizio another shirt. Fabrizio took the shirt from her.  
“Yes, I think he might, thank you” he took a careful look at the shirt and only then it hit him, “but he’s not my boy -  …” The lady was already helping another person, on the other side of the store, so Fabrizio stopped himself. Also, what would he tell her? ‘No, he’s not my boyfriend, he is a fallen angel I found a few days ago? Or, he is a stranger I took in and needs clothe?’ Anything he taught of saying, sounded much worse than simply staying silent and letting her assume whatever she wanted. Fabrizio took the two shirts back to Ermal’s cabin. 

Leaving the store, Fabrizio carried a big paper bag that contain two pairs of jeans, one pair of black  leather pants and sweat pants, three colourfully shirts, two t-shirts, a sparkly jacket, pullover, some socks, underwear, a very warm cote and a box with leather boots in it. Ermal kept excitedly looking at the bag and even tried to convict Fabrizio to let him carry it, but Fabrizio wouldn’t, saying he only barely healed his back and that there is no way he’s letting him do that.  
Half way home, it started snowing slightly. The city lights turned on and illuminated the streets with a warm light in which the snowflakes danced, making the view beautiful. Ermal enjoyed the snow flakes, forgetting all about his earlier statement of not liking snow. He tried catching them in his hands and admired when they melted in the fabric of his gloves. He tried catching them with his tongue and laughed as they landed on his eyelashes. He even spun around once with his arms wide open. All that time, Fabrizio kept a close eye on him, in case Ermal decided to cross the road without looking, or do anything else that was dangerous for him. Or maybe he did it, because the snowflakes were getting caught in Ermal’s curls, and his cheeks and nose were pink from the cold and because he laughed with pure joy. Maybe he simply enjoyed the view, but even if that was the case, nobody needed to know. They got home quickly and Ermal insisted on staying out a little longer. So Fabrizio carried the bag inside and then joined Ermal again. Ermal was facing the other way, completely lost in the dancing snowflakes. Fabrizio picked a hand full of freshly fallen, soft snow, and stopped behind Ermal.  
“Ermal.”  
The curly haired turned around and Fabrizio blew the soft snow in his face. The angel giggled at the new sensation and Fabrizio smiled. He then reached for a little bit of snow that got caught in Ermal’s hair and took it away, pushing the curl behind Ermal’s ear. It could be he only imagined it, but the angel’s cheeks may have gotten just a tiny bit redder at that. They stood like that until Ermal’s whole body shock suddenly.  
“Are you cold?”  
“No, just got chills.”  
Their voices were nothing more but a whisper. They were standing very close and for some reason it felt like anything more than a whisper would be too much.  
“Do you want to go inside?”  
“I don’t want to, but my legs are hurting. We walked a lot and I’m starting to miss my wings.”  
“I forgot you’re not used to walking. I’m sorry, are you okay?”  
“Yes, don’t worry.” Ermal smiled.  
“You miss your wings?” Fabrizio asked a bit sadder now.  
“Just a little, I had them for a long time after all.”  
“I have an idea.” Fabrizio plopped down in the snow and pulled Ermal’s sleeve to fallow him. Ermal set in the snow, confused, feeling the cold thru the fabric of his jeans. Fabrizio helped him to put the hood on over his head and then instructed him:  
“Now lay down.”  
“Fabrizio are you sur- …”  
“Just for a minute, it’ll be okay, trust me.”  
So Ermal did, and when Fabrizio told him to move his arms and legs, hi did that to. Fabrizio laid next to him without moving his arms or legs and got up quickly after to help Ermal up as well.  
“Now look.” He said, pointing back down in the snow.  
“I’ve made a snow angel!”  
“Yes.”  
“And I’ve got wings again! Thank you Fabri!”  
Ermal went to hug Fabrizio for the umpteenth time this day. And Fabrizio happily put his arms around the angel.  
“I also think I have some snow under my shirt!” Ermal said into a hug. “Yes, I definitely do, brrr.”  
“Come on, let’s go inside, I’ll make us hot chocolate.”  
“With marshmallows?”  
“Sure, with marshmallows.”  
 Fabrizio unwrapped himself from the curly angel and they went inside, both smiling wide.

Out in the snow remained imprinted two outlines, one of an angel with wings and the other of a human, laying close to one another.  



	10. Kiss it better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you all for being so lovely and leaving comments and kudos on my previous chapter.  
> I'm sorry this one took so long, and I'm not very happy with how it turned out, but hey at least it's here.  
> Enjoy

_“To fall in love is to die.”_

_..._

Once inside, they got out of the wet clothes and Fabrizio made them the promised hot chocolate, they drank it in the living room. Then he remembered to call Andrea. His friend was delighted with Fabrizio’s suggestion to play in his bar on a Friday night. Fabrizio’s little concerts always pack up his place and even bring in new costumers. A few years back Andrea actually offered Fabrizio to have regular gigs, with steady payment, but Fabrizio refused, saying it would feel like too much of an ordinary job. He explained he was a free spirit, and much preferred going to different locations and playing for different people, instead of always playing at the same bar. Andrea understood and was happy with occasional concerts, Fabrizio came to play.  The truth was Fabrizio couldn’t play on that tiny stage every night, because it reminded him too much of his dreams he abandoned years ago. Dreams of a stages much bigger, of a crowds much wider. So Fabrizio preferred the streets.

When Fabrizio put the phone down, Ermal curiously asked:  
“Will you play the new song on Friday?”  
“What new song?”  
“Before I fell, you were writing a new song. Have you finished it? Will you play it in the bar?”  
Then Fabrizio remembered: “Yes, I finished it, but it’s not ready to be played in front of an audience yet.”  
“What about in front of me?” Ermal asked, almost shyly.  
“I can play it for you if you want?” Ermal knobbed excitedly. “But remember, it’s not perfect yet.” Fabrizio went to take his guitar, and set back down on the couch, facing the curly haired. He let his fingers run freely on the strings as he closed his eye and started singing. His voice, mixed with the gentle sounds coming from his guitar, filled the room.  ****  
And Ermal, Ermal was in awe. Of course he had heard the song before, or well, pieces of it, but nothing could compare to this. To: having Fabrizio, lost in his music, setting in front of him and singing his heart out.  Ermal wanted to close his eyes to, and just enjoy the music, but how could he, when there was a warm feeling inside his chest he couldn’t explain, and Fabrizio’s hands that played the instrument so skilfully, and his face so full of emotions, and … No, Ermal couldn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t even blink, to afraid he’ll miss something.  
When the song was over, Fabrizio found a breathless angel looking at him with eyes wide open and a little shimmer in them, which could become a tear if the other would let himself blink.  
“Ermal?”  
The angel remained speechless, but did blink, making a tear run down his cheek.  
“Ermal … are you okay?” At this point Fabrizio was really concerned, since the other didn’t really speak or move.  
“Please play it again.” Ermal’s voice was only a whisper, when he finally found his voice again.  
Fabrizio couldn’t do anything else but fulfil his wish. He played the song again and kept his eyes on the angel, concern about him.  
Ermal slowly found his senses again and by the time Fabrizio was done for the second time he was able to let out a simple:  
“This was beautiful.”  
Fabrizio smiled at him.  
“You like the song?”  
“Yes. Can you play it again?”  
This made Fabrizio laugh.  
“I can. But I can play you something else as well, if you want? It’s your choice.”  
Ermal thinks for a moment, trying to decide what song he wants to hear, and when he does, Fabrizio grans his wish. This is how they spend their late evening, with Ermal asking for songs he wants to hear and Fabrizio happily playing them.

Hours later Ermal is in Fabrizio’s bed. He is dressed in one of his old t-shirts, since they forgot to buy him a pyjama, and Fabrizio said he is still free to borrow any of his clothes. Fabrizio is asleep next to him and the room is dark, but Ermal can’t sleep. He lies on his back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything that happened during the day. Fabrizio comforting him, Fabrizio being kind to him, Fabrizio’s scared face when the car almost run over him. Fabrizio’s arms around him, how they felt, how safe he felt. Fabrizio moving his hair away from his face, being so close to him, the way his cold fingers felt on his cheek. About Fabrizio playing his guitar for him … Ermal kept replaying those memories in his head like a movie, over and over again. His favourite were the ones of Fabrizio touching him, because the feeling was so new. He could watch Fabrizio from Heaven, he could listen to him and even thou looking at him up close and hearing him sing just for him was special, he could never touch him before. And thinking about those moments, when Fabrizio’s arms were around him, made Ermal feel a soft tingling sensation in his stomach he couldn’t explain. He turned to his side, in the peel light of the city lights that was coming thru the curtains covering the window, he could see Fabrizio. Fabrizio was sleeping on his back, the covers uncovering his naked torso. That view made Ermal feel a completely different sensation, much lower in his stomach, and made his cheeks turn hot. He shamefully buried his face in the pillow. Wasn’t it already enough that Fabrizio was his friend, that he was kind to him and helped him in every way possible? Ermal knew it was almost impossible that Fabrizio will fall in love with him, that is why he didn’t tell him directly that Fabrizio was the reason for his fall. He didn’t want to pressure the other in to loving him, and potentially making him feel guilty for his death, if he couldn’t. He wanted Fabrizio to fall in love with him for him, and if he wouldn’t, at least he would never know the reason for Ermal’s death.  
Somewhere in the middle, his thoughts finally turned in to dreams and Ermal felt asleep next to the man he loved.   


The next morning the angel woke up to an empty bed, but he found a note on the nightstand, saying Fabrizio left to play and will be back in a few hours and that breakfast is waiting for him on the kitchen table. Ermal happily skipped to the kitchen to find two croissants waiting for him. He enjoyed each bite, finding chocolate inside of them. After breakfast he went to the bathroom to take a shower and change cloths. He decided to wear a pair of his new jeans and a t-shirt that might have not been taken from his shelf in the closet. Putting his socks on, he discovered something. He gently touched the skin on his left ankle and circled the black spot with his fingertips. It didn’t feel any different from the rest of his skin, but Ermal’s hands slightly shook touching it. He covered the black spot, no bigger than a coin, with his hand and stared away in disbelief. He knew this will happen, he didn’t for one moment believe it could go any other way, but finding the first proof of his mortality still felt like a shook. So this is the beginning then. The dark pigment will start to spread and once it reaches his heart he’s death. Ermal didn’t know how long he set like that on the edge of the bed, staring in to the space with half the sock on, until he heard a creak in the door lobe and quickly pulled the sock on completely. This wasn’t something Fabrizio had to see, it wasn’t his problem to deal with. So Ermal put a smile on his face as Fabrizio walked in to the bedroom, taking his coat off.  
“You’re awake! Good morning. Found my note?”  
“Yes, thank you for the breakfast.”  
“You’re welcome. Is that my shirt?”  
Ermal looked down, read creeping up his neck. “Yes. Sorry, I’ll give it back.”  
Fabrizio smiled. “No need, I’ve told you you’re still welcome to borrow anything you want from my closet. And it looks better on you anyway, you should keep it.”  
Ermal smiled shyly, he liked Fabrizio’s clothes because they smelt like his perfume.  
“Thank you.”  
“So, any plans for today? Something you’d like to do?”  
“Could you teach me how to cook?”  
“You could say you want to do anything in the world, and you want to cook?”  
“Yes.”  
“You really are the purest soul.” Fabrizio mumbled more to himself than to Ermal, and louder, he added: “Okay, then we’ll cook.”

Back in the kitchen Fabrizio prepared all the ingredients for a simple dish. Ermal once again grabbed a knife first.  
“Careful! Here let me show you.” Fabrizio took a knife from Ermal and started cutting a tomato. “See how I hold the knife? You should never point a knife toward yourself - …”  
“I know, I watched way too many times. I want to try!”  
If Fabrizio had any say in it, Ermal would never touch a knife, and for a moment he even thought about giving him one of butter knifes, so there’ll be no way for the angel to hurt himself. He would treat him like a kid, but Ermal was no child, so in the end he handed him his knife. Ermal took it and started cutting the vegetable himself. Fabrizio inspected him closely, making sure the other doesn’t cut himself. Done with a tomato, Ermal proudly looked up.  
“I did it!”  
“And you didn’t cut your finger off, very good.” Fabrizio gave him an approving smile.  
“Now a carrot.” Ermal grabbed the orange vegetable.  
“You need to peel it first. You know how?”  
“Yes, but I need a smaller knife.”  
“Take this,” Fabrizio handed him a peeler, “It’s easier.”  
Ermal heled the tool in his hand a little awkwardly and started peeling the carrot in the wrong direction.  
“I can’t …” The instantly disappointed face of Ermal made Fabrizio smile, but he stepped forward to help the angel. He put his hands on Ermal’s and gently guide it.  
“You need to peel toward yourself, like this. And be careful where you hold your fingers.”  
Ermal completely forgot about cooking and just enjoyed the feeling of Fabrizio’s hands on his, the small touch made his whole body warm. Fabrizio removed his hands and ask:  
“You’ll try alone now?”  
Ermal woke up from his dreamy state, he already missed the touch that left a tangling sensation on the skin of his hands now. He didn’t want to try alone, for two things, first one being that he really didn’t pay attention before and the second that he wanted Fabrizio’s hand back on his.  
“I still can’t.” He hide his eyes under his hair, but Fabrizio could still see his rosy cheeks, thinking it was embarrassment that raised on them.  
“It’s okay, I can do it –“  
“No! I-“ Ermal blushed even more, “just show me again?”  
So Fabrizio stepped behind Ermal again and helped him. The angel enjoyed the touch but this time focused on the work as well.  
Later he managed to peel and cut the carrot himself, as well as all the other vegetables. They put the vegetables in the pan and Fabrizio filed a pot with water.  
“Now gnocchi, you put them in the water and cook until they rise to the surface.”  
Ermal did as he was told and then pull himself on the counter, to sit like he did a day before.   
“O,” Fabrizio raised an eyebrow at him, “and who is going to cook?” He asked playfully.  
“I am. But from up here.” Ermal took a wooden spoon and mixed the vegetables in the pan, as to proof his words.  
Fabrizio found himself slipping in to a day dream, staring at the angel on the counter that was now blowing at the spoon full of sauces. He was beautiful, that he noticed already, but he liked his playful and innocent nature to.  
“Gnocchi!” Ermal jumped from the counter and touched the hot pot with his hand letting out a painful wein. Fabrizio quickly woke up from his daydream and took Ermal by the wrist, pulling his hand under the cold water. He looked at Ermal.  
“Why did you do that?”  
“I forgot the pot was supposed to be hot.”  
“And I didn’t remind you either, I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not your fault.”  
Instead of saying anything else, Fabrizio stopped the water and looked at the angel’s palm. The skin was red, but wasn’t damaged otherwise.  
“It’ll be okay, you didn’t hurt yourself much. Does your skin feel like it’s too tight for your palm when you move it?”  
Ermal looked down at his hand now held by both of Fabrizio’s hands. He couldn’t really feel anything, because of the cold water. He moved his palm slightly and it felt fine.  
“No, it’s okay …” Ermal’s voice was replaced with a sharp breath he took, as Fabrizio broth his palm to his lips and kissed the red skin. His lips felt hot on Ermal’s cool, still wet, skin.  But the little touch send shivers down his spine. The angel pulled his hand from Fabrizio’s hands and Fabrizio realized what he did.  
“I’m sorr-“  
“You kissed it better.”  
“Yes.”  
“I saw mothers do that to their children.”  
“I’m sorry Ermal, it was a reflex.”  
“You don’t need to be,” he finally relaxed his hand he pressed to his chest, “it felt rather nice, I was just surprised.” He added blushing.  
“Did it help?” Fabrizio took Ermal’s hand again, inspecting it.  
“I think it did.”  
He brought his hand closer to his lips and Ermal hoped he’ll kiss it again, but Fabrizio gently blow on it and held it between his hands, gently brushing over the still slightly red skin with his thumb. He noticed how soft is Ermal’s skin compering to his own, how pale and delicate looking.  
They both got lost in the gentle moment until it was broken by water and gnocchi that explode out of the pot and Fabrizio quickly turns off the stove, trying to save at least some of their meal.  
“Did I mess up?” Ermal asked.  
“No, this is only your first time cooking and we both forgot about the stove.” Fabrizio smiled at him softly. “You did well for your first time.” He watches, with the same soft smile, as Ermal’s cheeks become pink and the angel turns away to get the plates, Fabrizio doesn’t look away.


	11. 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say to defend myself. I'm just sorry it took so long.  
> I'm still not happy with this chapter, I struggled a lot to write it and I think it's very noticeable.  
> Anyway, the opening quote is from the internet, but it's one of my favorite and it fits this chapter nicly.   
> Also, thank you for all the comments and kudos on the pravous chapter, I'll reply to them now. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_“A face without freckles is like a night sky without stars.”_

_  
…_

  
The day passed by quickly. With Fabrizio finding a familiar feeling creeping into his heart, but he pushed it down in denial every time. He kept telling himself that, him liking Ermal is impossible. He didn’t want to repeat his past mistakes, Ermal was not one of his ‘one night stand’ lovers. No, he felt on earth because he loved somebody so much he was ready to give everything up for her. So Fabrizio swallowed his feeling down with the cup of tea, he thought Ermal how to make.

The next day Fabrizio went out in the morning to play again, when he came back he found Ermal siting by his computer. He came closer and put his hand on a backrest of a chair the angel was sitting in. Ermal quickly closed the tab, before Fabrizio could see what he was looking at.   
“Found something to entertain yourself?”   
“Yes, I was just … reading something. And learning how to use the computer.”  
“That’s okay.” Fabrizio walked away to sit on the couch. The angel might be living in his apartment and sleeping in his bed, but Fabrizio still wanted him to have as much privacy as possible. He turn on the tv and let Ermal finish whatever he was doing on his computer. After a few minutes a thought went thru his head.  
“Ermal, how did you get in? My computer is password protected.”  
The angel froze in place for a moment but then looked at Fabrizio with shame in his eyes.  
“Watching you - I memorised it.”  
Fabrizio snored and smiled at him.  
“Do you know my pin number to?”   
“No!” Ermal said horrified. “I always closed my eyes when you tipped it. I would never – Fabrizio – I wouldn’t - …”    
“Ermal, Ermal, calm down, I was joking. It’s okay. My computer is only protected because of the settings and even if you knew my pin, I trust you.”   
“I’m still sorry, I should ask first.” Ermal looked down.  
“No, it’s okay, you were bored. Tell me if you need help tho. Did you find what you were looking for? Everything went fine with the computer?”   
“Yes everything was fine.” He shut the computer down and went to sit next to Fabrizio. They watched tv in silence for a while until Ermal asked out of the blue:  
“Do you think my nose is big?”   
Fabrizio looked at him and had to bite his lip as not to smile. Did Ermal read Cosmopolitan or something, while he was out? It was funny to him that a creature who literally came from Heaven could doubt his looks, but he answer him truthfully.   
“Yes, I think it is.”  
“I knew it!” Ermal broth a hand to his nose, covering it. “I think so to, It’s too big. I look weird, my whole face is strange …”  
“Your nose is big.” Fabrizio started talking over him because he had no intention to have a doubting angel, acting like a frustrated teenager, in his house. “But that doesn’t mean it’s too big or ugly. It suits you nicely. It gives you a charming profile and a pretty face. You are a handsome man, Ermal.”   
After Fabrizio’s speech the angel finally let go of his nose.   
“You really think that?”   
“Yes, of course. But what made you think so badly of yourself? Did you read some teen beauty magazine?”   
“No, a forum on the internet. It was an accident, I don’t even know how I got on that side.”  
“Well I thought you know those things are lies. Do I really have to give you a lecture about internet safety and to not believe everything you read there?”   
Ermal shook his head no. Fabrizio smiled:  
“It’s like I have a young teenager in the house,” he chuckled, “will I have to tell you about the birds and the bees to?” He asked with humour as to cheer the angel up who was still looking down ashamed. But then a more serious thought hit him.  
“Ermal? You don’t need to answer if it’s weird but, do angels have sex? How do you reproduce?”   
Ermal heard the seriousness and curiosity in Fabrizio’s voice and was glad the other changed the topic from his embarrassing self-doubt.  So he answered:  
“They do. But since we can’t feel anything and it’s not for reproduconal purposes, is more to kill time than anything else. And how we reproduce? I don’t know. From time to time a new angel just appears. We don’t know where from, there is no angel babies or kids, we are all adults.”   
“Interesting,” Fabrizio added, “can I ask you one more thing? How old are you?”  
“I’m 37.”   
“37 … what? Not years I presume.” He winked.  
“No, not years. Centuries.”   
“Old man!” Fabrizio mocked him with a smile.  
“Hey! I look younger than you.” Ermal smiled back.  
“Of course you do, you are an angel.”  
“Not anymore.”  
“Okay, you were an angel. Wait, if you don’t know how you reproduce, you probably don’t have a birthday either?”   
“No, it’s not important.”  
“Well it is here on Earth. We should pick you a date. How about the day you fell here? That was kind of like your birth.”   
“I don’t really want to celebrate that day.” Ermal said quietly. “It hurt too much.”  
“O, of course, I’m sorry.” Fabrizio gently continued: “then maybe you can pick another date? The one you’d like to remember?”  
“April 20!” Ermal shouted without thinking.   
“Okay, 20th of April it is then, and is there a special reason behind that date?”  
Yes, Ermal wanted to say. It’s the day I first saw you, it’s the day when I first felt something, it’s the day my life got meaning … But he couldn’t say any of that, so he simply replied:  
“It’s the day I fell in love.” He looked down and blushed.   
The corner of Fabrizio’s lips pushed up into a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Of course he was happy for Ermal but his own feelings, that were quietly developing somewhere on the bottom of his heart, prevented him from being truly happy. Never the less, he added:  
“That is a beautiful day to remember.” And when Ermal looked up at him, Fabrizio’s smile reached his eyes to.

They ended their day by going to a restaurant. Nothing to fancy, just a small pizza place around the corner of the street. Because Fabrizio couldn’t believe he still didn’t make Ermal try pizza. The angel didn’t know what to get so they agreed on sharing a Margherita, which Ermal found to be quite romantic again. After all, wasn’t that what couples did? Going out to eat together and calling it a date.  He wished he could hold Fabrizio’s hand across the table, like he saw people do, but they weren’t on a date and they weren’t a couple, so he grabbed a slice of pizza with one of his hands and hide the other under the table.   
“And? Do you like it? It’s my favourite.” Fabrizio interrupted his thoughts.  
“I do,” Ermal took another bite, “it’s really, really good.”  
Fabrizio gave him a smile and started his own slice.  
“Fabrizio,” Ermal started with his mouth still half full, “can I go on a concert with you tomorrow?”  
The other nodded. “To Andrea’s bar? Of course, did you think I’ll leave you at home?”  
“I – no. I don’t know.” The embarrassment creped on Ermal’s cheeks again.   
Fabrizio smiled. “Get a lot of sleep tonight, tomorrow will be a long day.” And with that, they ended their conversation and focused on eating. The pizza was gone before they knew it.

The next morning came fast and Ermal woke up excited for the concert he was about to attend that night. But there was another thing. There, next to him still laid Fabrizio. Before, Fabrizio always woke up first and went out, but this morning Ermal had the chance to wake up next to him. He observed the sleeping man. The permanent lines that time cut into his skin around his eyes, were relaxed and not as visible. Tiny freckles that covered his nose and cheeks reminded Ermal of the night sky full of stars. The first morning light shining thru the curtains created shadows that danced with Fabrizio’s tattoos and suddenly Ermal was jalousie of the sun. Because the sun got to touch what the angel only dreamed of. Mesmerized by the view he couldn’t hold back anymore, he extend his hand toward Fabrizio. He wanted to fallow his profile, from his forehead to his lips, with his own fingertips. He wanted to touch his bearded cheek and maybe rest his hand there for a while, but just before he could feel his skin, Fabrizio turned away in his sleep. That woke Ermal out of his day dream. What was he doing? Was he crazy? How very inappropriate would be to touch Fabrizio like that? Without permission, while he’s asleep! So Ermal pulled his hand away quickly and heled his wrist, as if his hand was a wild beast with a mind of its own. He had to get away, so he got up quietly and went to the living room. Dressed only in one of Fabrizio’s shirts, Ermal set on the cough and tried to pull himself together. He looked down at his feet and pulled the sock from his ankle. The dark spot didn’t seem any bigger to him, which made Ermal release a breath, but he decided he should start measuring it. He put the sock back on and went to the kitchen. Yesterday, just before Fabrizio came back in the morning, Ermal was looking for a recipe he could make. Now, empowered by the new knowledge, he started making breakfast.

Fabrizio woke up by the smell of the coffee. That confused him, until he remembered there was a certain angel in his life now. A certain angel that was now making coffee! Fabrizio panicked, there were so many things that could go wrong! He was just about to get out of bed, when Ermal appeared in the door frame with a tray in his hands.   
“O! You’re awake. I didn’t think you’ll be.” Ermal didn’t know what to do when he meet Fabrizio’s eyes. He almost turned around, but then decided it was time for bravery, the breakfast was after all meant for Fabrizio. He stepped forward.  
“I made you breakfast. And coffee, I didn’t know if it was good, so I tried it and it tastes as disgusting as it spouse to. I think - I think I did well.” He shyly put the tray down on the bed.   
Fabrizio was taken aback by the gesture. He looked from the angel to the tray with the fondness in his eyes. He couldn’t quite believe it. There on the tray was a cup of steaming coffee, a plate with cut apples and a bunch of sandwiches. And yes, maybe the cheese was cut poorly in to too thick slices, and god knows how coffee really tasted, but it was the gesture that counted. And the fact that the meal was served to him in bed. Ermal brought him breakfast in bed. And Fabrizio knew it wasn’t in romantic way, because the angel was in love with somebody else, but it still sparked warmth in his chest. He finally looked back up at now very nerves looking angel.  
“You did all this yourself?”   
“Yes. And look!” He extended both of his hands toward Fabrizio to show him. “I still have all ten fingers!”  
Fabrizio left out a chuckle: “Amazing,” but continued with a more serious voice, “Thank you Ermal.”   
The angel got shy again.   
“It’s nothing. I just thought, because you never had breakfast in bed, and you have a concert tonight, and because you’ve been making food for me all this time, and I just, I just … yeah.”   
Fabrizio watched the angel nervously looking down and pushing his weight from one foot to another while talking and he couldn’t help but smile more with every word the other said. The scene was adorable. Fabrizio moved closer to the tray.  
“Well thank you, I really appreciate it. Now come here and let’s eat.”  
“Me to?”   
“Of course you to.” Fabrizio taped the place next to him, mimicking for Ermal to sit there. “This is way too much for only me.”  
Ermal set down.   
“Yes, I wasn’t sure how much is enough? Did I made too much?” He asked with worry. Fabrizio wanted to kiss his rosy cheek, he was too adorable, all insecure in his new life.  
“No, you made just enough for the both of us.” He said softly looking at the beautiful angel next to him for just a moment too long to call it suitable. He pulled himself together and moved his attention to the hot beverage in his hand, taking a sip.  
“Mmmm, this is actually really good. And you made it just how I like it, black with no sugar but a lot of milk.”   
Ermal was flattered, his rosy cheeks now becoming red, he looked away.  
“Awww, come here.” Fabrizio chuckled and pulled Ermal toward himself with one hand, messing his hair with the other.   
“No, don’t mess them up! I have to look good for tonight’s concert.” Ermal tried to struggle away.   
“Oh? And who do you want to impress?” He smirked at the angel. “Andrea is married, so there’s no point. Or will you be after the girls in the bar? If so, we need to discuss some rules, I’m not sure how I feel about you bringing girls back to my bed. It’s already quite crowded as it is, with the two of us.” He joked.  
“Fabrizio! I’m not like that!” Ermal said furious and turned his back to the other, punting offended.  How could Fabrizio think something like this about him, when he knew Ermal only loved one person?   
“Hey,” he felt a gentle hand going up and down on his back, “I was just kidding. I know you wouldn’t do something like that and that there is only one person on your mind. I’m sorry, I promise I won’t tees you again. Can I be forgiven?”   
He felt a chin pressing on the part of his back where it meets his neck and Fabrizio’s breaths on his skin. It send shivers down his spine and turned his cheeks read again.  There was also a strange feeling in his lower stomach, he had no time to acknowledge, because Fabrizio put his arms around him and pulled him into a hug from behind. His chin now on top of Ermal’s head, he tried again:  
“I really am sorry Ermal. Do you forgive me?”   
Ermal wasn’t mad any more. He wasn’t made two seconds after Fabrizio first apologized. But he did like the hug he was wrapped into. So he leaned back into it and said after a while:  
“Yes, I forgive you.”   
Fabrizio tightened his squeeze and then let go of him.   
“Thank you. Now, let’s finish the breakfast, before it turns into lunch.   
Ermal nodded, already missing the warmed of the other’s body.


	12. Sex on the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings! A new chapter, yey! Thank you all for beautiful comments and kudos on the previous one. Now, I've had an idea for this chapter written in my head since the beginning of this fic so I am really exited to share it.  
> Please enjoy!

_“A heart will burn with an unrequited desire.”_  


_…_

   
After their breakfast in bed, Ermal insisted on doing the dishes as well, so Fabrizio did a quick run to the store. He felt a bit guilty for teasing Ermal earlier and decided to buy him a little something as a way of saying sorry. After good fifteen minute consultation with the lady at the beauty store, he was going back home.  
The angel was done with the dishes and was proudly looking at now clean kitchen, when Fabrizio walked in.  
“I've got you something.”  
Ermal looked at him surprised.  
“But I don't need anything.”  
Fabrizio pulled a small, rounded, orange object out of his pocket.  
“I'm sorry I teased you this morning, and for messing up your hair. This is for your curls.” He extended his hand and gave Ermal the object.  
“The lady at the store said it should work well with your hair. You can put it on when they are dry, but it works best when they are freshly washed. You know, so you can look good tonight.” Fabrizio added softly.  
Ermal was speechless. Fabrizio already apologized and gave him a hug. And Ermal forgave him even before that.  
“Thank you, but I'm not mad anymore. You don't need to do this.”  
“I know you're not. But I was still pretty rude to you. I keep forgetting how very new all this is for you. You deserve to have the best time on your first concert.” He smiled at the curly one.  
Ermal was moved and again reminded with how soft hearted Fabrizio was. God, he loved him.  
“Thank you.” Was the only thing he said out loud.  
Fabrizio then went to create a playlist for the night and played all the songs again. Ermal was more than happy to have the chance to listen to him play, and happily set on the couch, enjoying the music. After lunch, it was time to get ready. With Fabrizio doing the dishes this time, Ermal was the first to use the bathroom. He took a shower and washed his hair. He then put the hair product Fabrizio got him on and washed his teeth as well. He really wanted to look his best.  
Going back to the bedroom, wrapeded in Fabrizio's bathrobe, he looked at his outfit choices. In the end he decided on his new leather pants and one of the colorful shirts. This time he didn't bother to chak on the black spot on his ankle.

“How do I look?”  
Fabrizio turned and almost dropped the plate he was holding. ‘Hot’, he wanted to say, because it was true. Ermal stood there in the doorway, with his hair still slightly damp and a proud smile on his lips. Fabrizio’s eyes traveled from Ermal's face, down his body, his slim torso, his long legs, perfectly hugged by the black fabric. And back up to his curls. He didn't know what to say for a moment, but seeing Ermal's smile drop in discourage, he quickly pulled his thoughts together.  
“You look, you look really good.”  
Ermal's smile returned and Fabrizio continued:  
“I like what you did with your hair, and I'm glad we bought those pants.” He winked at Ermal playfully and the angel looked down shyly.  
“And my shirt? You don't like it?”  
“Oh, I like it, I wouldn't wear it, but you look beautiful in it. There is just on little detail …”  
“What?”  
Fabrizio stepped closer and fixed his collar, and then, looking up in the angel's eyes he undid the first two buttons.  
“We are going to the bar, not the Buckingham palace, you can look a bit more relaxed.”  
Fabrizio's closeness, his fingers unbuttoning Ermal’s shirt, his breath on Ermal’s skin, all that made the angel blush.  
“T-hank you.”  
“Now you look perfect.” ‘You always do,’ he wished he could add.

Fabrizio went to get ready to. He didn't worry as much as Ermal, he simply pulled on some black ripped jeans and a white shirt, not bothering to button it up completely. A few rings and a necklace later, he called Ermal.  
“Ready to go?”  
“Yes.”  
Fabrizio went to get his guitar and waited for Ermal at the door.  
“Where's your jacket?” He asked as he saw the angel.  
“I'm not wearing it, I want everyone to see my outfit.”  
“No. It's freezing outside, go get your cout.”  
“But I don't want to-”  
“And a scarf.”  
The angel hufed, but went to get the clothes. Fabrizio just shook his head in disbelief, he is dealing with a teenager.  
“Better now?” Ermal was back, all wrapped warm.  
“Much. Let's go.”

Andrea's bar wasn't far, but it was one of those place you really needed to know where they are, to find. Fabrizio used to spaned a good portion of his life in there. Back, before it got a new owner, it wasn’t the best place to be. The old man working there didn't really care much, and would give out alcoholic drinks as soon as the bar would open in the morning. You could meet all kinds of people there and buy all kinds of things. But Fabrizio was one of the good ones, he was only interested in alcohol. Maybe a bit too interested.  
After Claudio took him in he was forbidden to go back to that place. Of course, if Fabrizio would decide to go back Claudio wouldn't be able to stop him, but it was nice to have somebody who actually cared about him for once, and Fabrizio didn't try his luck.  
The first time he let himself walk pass the bar again, was years later, when he was sober and with a place to live. His bad habits gone, but not forgotten. He noticed the change immediately, even from the outside the place looked different. From the inside, it was completely changed. Old nesty furniture was gone, replaced with the new, modern one. The windows were clean, letting the light in and making the place look bigger. And the smell of alcohol, tobacco and urine, that turned the stomach of every new visiter who wasn't used to it, was replaced with that one of the freshly brewed coffee. By the bar he was meet with the smile of the new owner, the same one that smiled at him now.

“Fab! Good to see you. Did you notice the posters? I made posters.” The overly excited bartender greeted him. “I put them on as soon as you called me you'll play. And who is this?“ Andrea smiled mischievously toward Ermal.  
“Ermal, he is a friend of mine”  
Andrea offered the angel his hand Ermal shook it.  
“I'm Andrea, nice to meet you.”  
He smiled to him and then turned back to Fabrizio.  
“A ‘friend’ you say.” He winked.  
“Andrea behave.”  
“Of course, of courts. You know the rules, food and drinks are on me, for you and your ‘friend’. The stage is ready, call me if you need me, I’ll be back in the kitchen, Roberto will be late today and I still need to fix some things.” He started walking away. “We open at 8:00 like usually, you're on at 9:30. Come have a snack before.” He disappeared behind the blue door, leading to the kitchen.  
“Well, that's Andrea.” Fabrizio looked at Ermal.  
“He talks a lot.”  
“He does. Come, I need to set the acoustic.”  
They walked to the part of the bar, farthest to the entrance, to a small stage. Fabrizio started setting up things.  
“Can you pass me the guitar wire. Oh, sorry, you don't - thank you.” Before he could finish, realizing Ermal isn't Andre and doesn't know the equipment, the curly one already passed him the wire he needed. Not only that, Fabrizio noticed Ermal has been setting up the other half of the stage.  
“Have you, have you seen me doing this as well?” He pointed to the stage.  
Ermal nodded.  
“Oh. Okay, can you help me some more than?”  
Ermal nodded again. They were quickly done and Fabrizio did a soundcheck, by playing a few of his songs. It was coming close to the opening time, when a very flushed man with a weird head stumbled thru the front door.  
“I'm sorry I'm late!” He shouted toward the kitchen, and without a look toward Fabrizio: “Fab, my man, that sounds great.” He to disappeared behind the blue door.  
“And that's Roberto. He's in charge of snacks. Speaking of which, the bar is about to open and we should go eat something.”  
And like his thoughts were heard, Andrea brought two burgers out of the kitchen.  
“I've got frise to.”

As Ermal and Fabrizio eat, the bar opened and was getting more and more crowded.  
“A lot of people came to listen to you. Are you nervous?”  
“No,” Fabrizio smiled at the angel, “I do this every day.”  
“You'll be great.” Ermal smiled at him in suporte.  
The place was packed by now and both, Andrea and Niccolo - a young student who worked in the bar during the weekends, were busy serving drinks and snacks.  
“I'm gonna go get ready. Will you stay here at the bar?”  
Before Ermal could answer, Andrea interfered.  
“Don't worry Fabrizio, we won't let anyone near your boyfriend, right Nic?”  
Fabrizio just rolled his eyes and smirked.  
When he was gone, Andrea turned to Ermal.  
“Fancy a drink?”  
“Yes please. But I don't know whic?”  
“Whatever your heart desire.”  
“A cocktail.”  
“Sure, which one?”  
Ermal looked down at the menu and picked the most colorful one.  
“I see you choose your drinks like you choose your shirts.” Ermal looked away shyly. “I'm just joking, didn't Fabrizio warn you about my bad humor? No? Well he should. Nice outfit by the way, and that is not a joke.” Andrea keeped on rambling while mixing Ermal a drink.  
When Ermal first tried it, he liked the sweet taste immediately and siped the drink thru the straw in one go, leaving only the ice behind. Andrea had to blink a few times to realize the other really just consumed the cocktail like that.  
“I'm guessing you liked it?”  
“Yes, can I have one more, please?”  
Andrea started mixing another one.  
“So, where are you from? Ermal doesn't sound very Italian.”  
“I'm from … - Albania. Yes, Albania.”  
Andrea smirked: “You don't sound so sure. You lived here long? Because your Italian is perfect.”  
“No, but I studied it for a long time.”  
“Ah, I see. And how did you and Fabri meet?”  
“I, emm, I often watched him play.”  
“Oh, so that's how the love blossomed.”  
“Yes.” Ermal dreamly said. “I mean no! No, we are not… I'm not… It’s no-”  
“It's okay buddy, whatever there is between the two of you, it's safe with me. But just know, he never brings friends here with him, so you must be pretty damn special.”  
Andrea smiled to Ermal and his cheeks turn red, he looked down and started siping his sacond drink of the night.

Andrea and Niccolo continued to work behind the bar, carrying out different drinks and snacks, when Andrea quickly jumped on stage and announced Fabrizio. The crowd went wild and Fabrizio walked on stage. Ermal had a perfect position, the area with the bar was a bit lifted, just like the stage, and the angel enjoyed the view from his bar stool, over the heads of the crowd. Fabrizio looked gorgeous with his messy hair and a big smile. Stage lights were making his white shirt almost transparent, not like there was a need for that, because Fabrizio left his buttons undone to the middle of his torso and Ermal could see his cross tattoo. His minds wandered away to this morning, when he woke up next to Fabrizio shirtless and the angel had to look away for a moment, taking another sip from his now almost finished drink.  
Fabrizio started singing and Ermal looked back up. It felt like he was enchanted, completely possessed by the man on stage, his voice, his movements, his energy. The air around him felt electric and Ermal's cheeks turn red when their eyes meet and Fabrizio smiled at him. And if at one point a young woman set on a stool next to him, Ermal haven't even noticed her. Whit his cheeks hot and his mind blurry, the Angel asked Andrea for another cold drink.

After an hour of playing and singing, Fabrizio took a brake and joined his friends at the bar.  
“Wow man,” Niccolo clapped his shoulder, “is Pensa new? I don't think I've heard it before.”  
“No, I just don't play it often.”  
“Well, you should. What can I get you?”  
“A coke will be fine, thanks.” He set down next to Ermal, just where the woman was setting not so long ago, until she realized her mistake.  
“Enjoying your first concert?” He smiled.  
“Yes, very much.” The angel smiled back at him and Fabrizio could see the happiness in his eyes. It softened Fabrizio's heart. There, in front of him, was this heavenly being that fell to Earth and went thru so much pain, but was now enjoying something so simple as a concert in a bar, with an eixitmend of a teenager who is let out to party for the first time. He moved a curl, that was falling into his eyes, behind Ermal's ear.  
“Well, you have another hour to enjoy in front of you. What is your poison of choice?”  
“What is my what?”  
Fabrizio chuckled softly at the confusion in the angel's voice.  
“Your drink. What are you drinking?”  
“Oh,” he blushed, but it really wasn't his fault the air in the bar was so hot, “it's a cocktail.”  
“He is having ‘Sex on the beach’, I'd take that as a clue, Fabri.” Andrea interfered, winking at the singer, while taking a tray of drinks away.  
Ermal blushed more and looked down. Fabrizio thought he was angry or embarrassed, so he was quick to comfort him.  
“Don't mind Andrea, he is always like that, he doesn't mean bad, just joking.”  
“I know, he told me. But I didn't pick the cocktail because of its name, I didn't even read it, I just liked the picture of it.” He was still looking at the floor. “I'm not suggesting anything.”  
Fabrizio reached to lift his chin, but decided against it and placed his hand on the angel's shoulder.  
“It's okay. Remember that I know your story.” With a more cheerful voice he added: “Now forget all this and enjoy the rest of the concert. Yeah?”  
Ermal lifted his eyes and smiled at Fabrizio.  
“Yeah.”

Ermal was again left alone, watching Fabrizio play, he asked for another drink changing his order.  
“Can I get a Whiskey?”  
“No more ‘Sex on the beach’?” Andrea teesed.  
“No. I'd like a Whiskey, please.”  
“Sure.” Andrea pulled up a glass and pour the liquor in, then passe the glass to Ermal.  
“That's it? It's such a big glass.” Angel asked confused.  
“You'd like a double?”  
“Yes, please.”  
Andrea poured more in his glass, and looking up at Ermal's still confused face, added some more, until the glass was almost full.  
“Thank you.” Ermal took a straw from his previous drink and put it in the glass with Whiskey.  
“I've heard Balkan people drink a lot, but I never imagined this.” Andrea mumbled and pulled Niccolo by the sleeve to show him Ermal siping his Whiskey.  
Singing and playing on stage, Fabrizio's eyes started to stop on the angel more and more often. No matter what song he was singing, be it a cover or one of his own, he would always found something that connected him to Ermal and his eyes would steal a glance toward the angel. He had his eyes closed and was gently swinging on his stool, and Fabrizio was glad to see he switched his drink for what seemed to be some kind of juice. He started his last song of the night.

The crowd, what was left of it, exploded in aplauze when Fabrizio was leaving the stage and a few people even asked him for a selfie or a signature, but the one clapping the loudest was the angel by the bar. Ermal felt so happy and excited, but also proud of Fabrizio. He had seen him play at the bar before and he knew what to expect, but he was never there. He really had a great night, but now his head was spinning and his vision was slightly blurry. He was looking at Fabrizio, being hugged by a lovely woman, who was clearly intoxicated and he feel the jealousy burning in his veins. The said woman was hanging of Fabrizio’s shoulder and whispering in his ear and of course, an always polite Fabrizio just smiled kindly. Ermal didn’t like that, he didn’t like it at all. He knew he had no right to interfere, but he really wanted to. In his blurry mind he already made a plane and almost got of from his stool, when Fabrizio chuckled softly and pointed toward him. The woman immediately let go of his shoulder and stumbled away, her legs barely keeping her up and her face punting. Ermal felt a sort of pride, a small victory in his body and smiled at Fabrizio who now set next to him again.  
“She didn’t look too happy letting you go.” Ermal remarked.  
“No, she didn’t. I think she understood ‘I need to go back to my friend’ wrong.” Fabrizio smiled at Ermal.  
“Good, I don’t like her.”  
Fabrizio laughed softly: “What, now I have to get your approval when it comes to people.”  
“No, but I - … No, I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay, she wasn’t my type anyway.”  
Andrea appeared with another drink for Fabrizio, and looked at the couple.  
“Ermal, another whiskey for you as well maybe?”  
“No, thank you, my head doesn’t feel right.”  
“Whiskey?” Fabrizio asked surprised and looked at the glass Ermal was holding. He leaned closer to smell it. “Whait, that’s what you’re drinking?”  
“Yes.”  
“No wonder your head doesn’t feel right. You’re drinking it like it’s Ice tea.” Fabrizio’s hand found its way in angel’s hair again and this time Ermal didn’t struggle but leaned in to the touch.  
“Come on, let’s go home.” Fabrizio gently said. “Andrea, we are leaving, I’ll be back tomorrow morning to get my guitar.” He turned to the bartender who nodded at him with a big smile and a wink.  
Ermal was happy with the suggestion of going home, but had a little problem.  
“I don’t think I can get up.”  
Fabrizio smiled: “How much exactly did you drink? Come here, I’ll help you.”    
The angel didn’t reply but pushed himself from the stool, losing his balance in the process and falling into Fabrizio’s open arms. He started giggling unconditionally, while holding onto Fabrizio.  
“I fell for you. Again.” He still didn’t completely regain his balance.  
Fabrizio brushed it off. “You drank too much, that’s why your legs don’t work properly.” Ermal only keeped giggling and when Fabrizio tried to stood him up, but loseed his balance shortly after.  
“And again.” He giggled in Fabrizio’s neck.  
“All right,” Fabrizio put one of Ermal’s arms on his shoulders and hugged him close by the waist, “that's how we are going home than.”  
“Ciao Andrea, ciao Nic! No, no, let me hug them goodbye.” Ermal struggled out of Fabrizio’s arms and throw himself at Andrea who caught him with a smile. He waived for Niccolo to come closer to, and the younger happily joined the hug.  
“You are both so lovely, and you’re so funny Andrea, has anyone told you you’re funny? Anyway, thank you for being nice to me and letting me drink and be in your bar and …” The angel keep rambling while hugging the two laughing man.  
“Okay, okay, they got it. Come here, we need to get you to bed.” Fabrizio peeled the angel away and waived at his friends goodbye.

Walking home wasn’t an easy task, since Ermal keeped seeing interesting things everywhere and keeped trying to touch them, getting away from Fabrizio who had to pull him back every time.  
“Ermal stop, you can’t even stand on your feet.”  
The angel giggled again. “I know, I keep falling and falling and falling.”  
Fabrizio pulled him closer and they finally made it to his apartment.  
Going up the stairs was even harder, Ermal immediately stumbled and Fabrizio barely saved him from hitting the stairs hard, he still ended on the floor though. He set on the stair and looked up at Fabrizio.  
“I fell - ”  
“Not for the first time tonight.” Fabrizio reminded him.  
“ - For you.” Ermal gigled.  
“Come on, we can’t wake up the neighbours, I’ll carry you.”  He picked him up and started walking up the stairs with the angel in his arms. Ermal wrapped his arms around Fabrizio’s neck and pulled himself closer.  
“You’re so strong Bizioooo.”  
“Mhm.”  
“So, so strong.” He nuzzled his Face in the other’s neck. “And you smell soooo nice. Mmmm.”  
“And you are completely wasted, aren’t you?” Fabrizio couldn’t hide his smile, his heart was beating faster and he liked the feeling of the angel in his arms. For a moment he let his developing feelings take over, just for a tiny moment, he can have that much, can’t he, and kissed ermal’s head. The other let out a yawn.  
“I’m sleepy.”  
“Just wait a little bit more, we are almost there.”  
“No, I’m sleeping now.” Ermal added and put his head on Fabrizio’s shoulder. He was asleep the next moment.  
“Ermal? Great.” fabrizio struggled to unlock the door and let them in. “Ermal? You need to change.” There was no reply. He let the angel down on his bed, not turning on the lights as not to wake him up, and took off his coat and shoes. He wondered whether or not should he continue, but the tight pants would be really uncomfortable to sleep in so he took the rest of the angel's clots off as well, leaving him only in his underwear. He tucked him in bed and gently brushed his hair from his face. Fabrizio undressed to, and got in bed himself, falling asleep immediately.

Shortly after he was awaken by a pair of cold feet brushing against his and a face pressed to his shoulder.  
“ ‘m cold.”  
And for the second time that night, Fabrizio let his emotions rule and pulled the angel closer.


	13. The beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellou, I'm back again with a shorter chapter this time, sorry. Thank you all for comments and kudos, they are very specila to me.  
> The opening quote is from the song Morning light by a band very dear to me called Palaye Royale, go check them out if you feel like it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_“… The shadows, the angels,_  
_that walk through this strange world,_  
_knowing which one I will follow …”_  
_-Palaye Royale, Morning light_

 

_..._

 

Fabrizio woke up to the morning light braking into the room and a warm body next to his. Ermal was tight asleep, curled into himself, but their feet were interwaid and his forehead was pressed to Fabrizio’s chest, tickling his skin with his curls. Fabrizio was lying on his side, one arm around the angel. He remembered the events of the previous night and how he felt. Did he go too far? Even now, how would Ermal react if he woke up in this moment? Fabrizio let himself have one more look at the sleeping angel in his arms, just a look nothing more, one more moment for himself, and then he slowly got up. That was it. He felt almost angry for allowing his feelings to get the best of him, when he knew they won't be meet by Ermal's. Why did he do this? Why did he let himself be tortured like that again. Not only was Ermal in love with somebody else, he also wouldn't survive without her love. No matter what Fabrizio felt, it would never be enough to make Ermal live. With the rage of mixed emotions he walked out of the bedroom and got dressed. He had to go out, he had to go out and clean his head in the cold. Before leaving the apartment he left a note for Ermal on his pillow and a glass of water on the nightstand.

Walking down the streets of Rome, he took a way around to get to the bar, just to give himself some more time to think. The cold air really did help him clear his mind and get away from the warmness that was waking up with the angel in his arms. Is he in love with him? Is he in love with Ermal? He didn't want to admit it before, but what is the point in denying it to himself any longer? Yes. He is in love with Ermal. Denying it never worked anyway. Ermal can't know though, not like he'd care, he is way too busy loving his special person - like he should, but if he knew about Fabrizio's feelings this would only complicate things and maybe even made him feel sad or angry. He doesn't want Ermal to have even more to deal with in his new life. He will have to be more careful around him, not let his feelings slip again like the night before. Fabrizio stopped walking and took the deep breath. He'll manage. He can do that.  
For Ermal.

Walking into a bar he was greeted by half asleep Andrea with a big cup of coffee in front of him.  
“Fab. Coffee?“  
“Yes please.”  
Andrea nodded and made him a cup, as big as his own, placing it in front of him.  
“Ermal's not with you?”  
“No. He's still asleep.”  
“Oh,” the bartender smiled, “I like him. You got yourself a good one this time.”  
“Me and Ermal, we're not - we aren't together.”  
“That's alright Fab, whatever you say. Just tell me one thing, is he, or is he not sleeping in _your bed_ right now?”  
Fabrizio sight. “He is, but it's not like that.” The memory of this morning, of a warm angel in his arms, made a reappearance in his mind.  
Andrea raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Then what is it like? Fabrizio, don't get me wrong, you are one of my dearest friend, but I could not watch you hurt him. Ermal seems like a kind and gentle person, not the type to only mess around for a few nights.”  
Fabrizio lowered his head.  
“I know, and I told you it's not like that. We are just friends.”  
Andrea detected a certain kind of sadness in his friend’s voice and decided not to prass the matter any further. Fabrizio was clenching to his cup of coffee with both hands, so Andrea squeezed his wrist lightly.  
“I'm sure it will all work out.”  
Fabrizio gave him a weak smile.  
“I'll go get my guitar and clean up the stage.”

After he was done, Andrea waited for him at the bar with an envelope in his hands.  
“Paycheck,” he smiled at his friend, “thank you for playing last night. When will you be back? People here loves you.”  
“Don't know, but I'll drop by for a drink sometime soon.”  
“Sure. Tonight we are having a DJ, you and Ermal are welcome to come.”  
“I'm not sure about that, Ermal was pretty drunk last night, I think we'll be healing his hangover today.”  
Andrea smiled. “Say hi to him for me.”  
“Will do.” Fabrizio gives him a quick hug and left.  
“‘It's not like that’ my ass.” Andrea whispered to himself with a smile, shaking his head.

Ermal woke up due to the change of temperature in the bed. He opened his eyes and was blinded by the morning light and a massive headache. He whined and covered his face with his hands. Stretching his legs, he realized, he isn't sleeping on his side of the bed. No, opening his eyes and looking around, despite all the pain that caused him, he figured he was on Fabrizio's side. Looking up, he found a note, he read it with his vision still blurry, but didn't feel like drinking the glass of water or taking the painkiller Fabrizio left him. Instead he buried his face back in the covers, that smelled like Fabrizio, and closed his eyes, laying there in a fetal position. Soon he heard a door open.  
“Ermal?” A soft voice came from the hall. The angel could only grov in response.  
Fabrizio entered the room.  
“Still in bed. How are you feeling?”  
He sat on the side of the bed next to Ermal and his hand automatically found its way into the angel's curls, a moment too soon to realize he broke a promise he made to himself just this morning, about holding back when being with him. But the damage has already been made, so he continued to stroke his hair anyway.  
“I now understand why humans say ‘I'll never drink again’ after a night out.” He mumbled in reply and Fabrizio chuckled.  
“That bad, ha? Don't worry, you'll feel better soon. Come on, you need to drink some water and take a pill.” Fabrizio helped him to sit up and gave him a glass. Watching a completely helpless angel, he wanted to pull him closer into a huh, but this time Fabrizio didn't give into his cravings. Ermal layed back down closing his eyes.  
“I have a black hole in my head. I can't remember the end of last night.”  
Fabrizio smiled and stroke his hair again, cursing himself for doing so, and said:  
“How much do you remember? I can tell you what happened after.”  
“Well, I remember you singing, and I remember talking to Andrea and Nic, and I remember asking for Whisky, and…” he taught for a moment, “I remember a woman being all over you. And from there, nothing more.”  
“What about you hugging Andrea and Nic goodbye?”  
“Mmm, maybe a little?”  
“Nothing much happened after that. I took you home and carried you up here, because you keep stumbling and falling.”  
Ermal looked up.  
“You had to carry me? Oh no.” He hid his blushing face in embarrassment. Fabrizio smiled.  
“It's fine. Wasn't the first time. Oh, and all the way home and up here you keep talking nonsense.”  
That gave Ermal a scare for his life. “W-what was I saying?”  
Fabrizio decided to have some fun. “Nothing much, just how much you like me, and how happy you are I was the one to find you when you fell, and how great I am, you know, things like that.” Ermal freezed completely. That can't be true? Did he really say that? Did his drunken mind betray him like that? When he promised he won't pull Fabrizio in this situacion! Nononono! But from his mouth only came one weak:  
“No.” Barely hearable from under the covers. Fabrizio had to smile. It did hurt that the angel thought it would be so horrible to say those things, but at the same time he already knew that. Ermal was in love with someone else and staying very loyal to that person, without even ever meeting her. Despite all the pain, the angel still looked adorable, hiding his face away and curling further in a fetal position, his forehead was almost touching his knees by now, if Fabrizio saw correctly.  
“Ermal,” his hand was still in his hair, “I'm kidding. You didn't say any of this.”  
Ermal looked back up.  
“I didn’t?”  
“No. However, you did say I smell good.”  
“Oh.” He blushed. “Well, it's true. And it's true I'm happy you're the one who found me, even if drunk Ermal didn't say that.”  
“Really?” Fabrizio got a warm feeling inside his chest.  
“Yeah, you've been so nice to me since the first moment you fund me, when I was nothing but a stranger to you.”  
“Well of course. What else was I supposed to do? Leave you out there in the cold? Never.”  
“I know you wouldn't. But many would. I've seen it happen, remember?” He glanced up at Fabrizio and leaned into the touch more.  
“I guess you're lucky than. I'm not letting anything bad happen to you.” He meant it, even if he himself will have to go and find the girl Ermal has fallen for, he'll do it. He caressed angel's hair some more as the other closed his eyes. “How's your head now?”  
“Better, but still hurts. The room is too light, it's hurting my eyes.”  
“Rest some more. I'll make us something to eat, you'll feel better after.” He covered the window, making the room more dime and left.

Fabrizio did as he promised, deciding on eggs and some more water for Ermal, he carried a glass with him when he went to ask if the Angel wants to eat there, or will he come to the dining room. “Hey you, planning to get out of bed today, or do you want me to bring the food here?”  
“No, I'll get up now.” The angel smiled and stretched, his arms and legs finally picking out from under the blanket. He enjoy the feel of cool air on his skin and rubbed his eyes when the peacefulness of the moment was broken by the sound of shattered glass.  
“Fabr -”  
His voice broke when he followed Fabrizio's look and found what made him drop the glass. He immediately pulled his leg back under the covers but it was too late. Fabrizio saw the black spot already. He pulled the blanket away and reached for Ermal's ankle.  
“What’s this?” He said, his shaking hands indicating he knew exactly what it was, when he held gently to Ermal's foot.  
Ermal looked down. This was bad, he didn't want Fabrizio to worry about him and now he saw the spot. The spot that was bigger than before. Much bigger. It was spreading around his ankle, almost all the way around and, in irregular shape, toward the bottom of his foot. Ermal felt like crying. How will he pull himself out of this now?  
“Ermal…” Fabrizio softly called his name, running his thumb over the burn gently. That was the last strike for the angel, the realisation of the situation hit him, Fabrizio seeing it, made it real. He needs Fabrizio to love him or he is going to die. Ermal hide his face in his hands and started crying.  
Fabrizio's heart broke, to hell with holding himself back, he sat closer to Ermal and pulled him into his arms. Holding the angel tight, letting him cry in his shirt, like he did just a few days ago when Ermal told him about the other fallen angels. He was brushing his back and rocking them slightly, trying to calm him down.  
“Don't cry. Don't cry, well finde her. I promise.” Fabrizio put his chin on angel's head, barely holding in his own tears.  
Her? Ermal was surprised, he was still shaking with crying, but something in his mind clicked, so Fabrizio thinks he has fallen for a woman? There is still hope! There is still hope he won't need to involve Fabrizio in this. If he had to die, at last Fabrizio won't blame himself. This little spark of hope wasn't much however, it meant a lot to Ermal. But he will have to lie. A small crime to prevent a bigger one. He can do that.  
For Fabrizio.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, you can always come scream at me on my Tumblr: justanothersideblog6


	14. The Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellu, long time no see. Anyway, please rereade the tegges as a warning for the end of this chapter, don't worrie, it's nothing graphic. The opening qute is again from the song Morning light, by Playe Royale, it really fits this story.  
> I am crazy happy with the amount of comments on the last chapter, thank you sosososo much for that! And for kudos. And for reading. :)  
> Okay, that's all I have to say, enjoy!

_We live for, we yearn for_  
_The things that we're born for_  
_…_  
_We die for, we try for_  
_The things that we long for.  
_ _-Palaye Royale, Morning light_

 

_…_

 

“So, she lives in Rome?”  
They were now sitting at the round dining table. Ermal's tears had dried and the broken glass from the bedroom was put away. They even managed to eat something   
“I think so.” - Lie.   
“Do you have her address?”  
“N-no.”   
“How? You know the password to my computer and you don't know her address.”   
“I - I - I…” Ermal had no answer to that. He put his head in his hands, hiding his face before Fabrizio could read his lies from it.   
“Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm sorry.” He reached forward brushing his hand over Ermal's hair. “Don't be sad. We'll figure something out. What do you know about her?”  
Ermal looked up, his thoughts going 1000 km per hour, trying to think of a story that would seem believable to Fabrizio.   
“I know how she looks, and where she spends a lot of her time. I know what she likes to do, and the people she often spends her time with.” - Lie.   
“Good, that's good. We have something to start with.”   
Ermal sighed and looked down. He was about to lie again and he didn’t like it. “Fabrizio, I- , thank you, really, but I’d rather do this alone- I mean, looking for her. It’s just something I have to do on my own.”  
“I understand.” Fabrizio felt horrible, he wanted to help Ermal. He needed him to find her, he needed her to love him, he wanted Ermal to live. But he also understood there was very little he could do to help and that this was something that was completely Ermal’s to do.   
“Okay, but if you need me to do anything, to help with anything, if you need an advice, whatever it is, you can always ask me. Okay? I want you to ask me. I want to help you.”  He finished with a serious tone, but then continued more playfully, remembering how he teased Ermal a day before. “I'll even let you bring her in my bed. I'll sleep on the couch.” He winked at now blushing angel.  
“Fabriziooo!“ Ermal covered his face again with his hands but this time Fabrizio could see a smile hidden behind them. This was much better then the tears he had to deal with before. Ermal's smile made him worry less. Who wouldn't love this angel?  
“What? I'm just being a good friend.” He smiled too.   
Ermal uncovered his face and looked the other in the eyes.   
“You are. Thank you.”  
“For this? It's nothing.” - ‘For everything’, Ermal meant to say, but didn't.   
They stayed quiet for a while.   
“Does it hurt?”  
“What?” Ermal asked confused.   
“The burn, the black spot, does it hurt?”   
“No. I don’t even know it’s there.” The concern on Fabrizio’s face would made Ermal lie with no guilt this time, if this wasn’t the truth.   
“Is there anything we can do to at last slow it down?”   
“No.”   
Fabrizio nodded. “So only her love, ha?”   
\- ‘Your love’, Ermal didn’t dare to say out loud, so he only nodded, not meeting Fabrizio’s eyes. Sitting at the round table, the silence set between them again. The noise of the ticking clock on the wall reminding them both of the time mercilessly slipping by. Ermal has long given up and accepted his fate, he never wanted to dreg Fabrizio down this road, he loved him too much for that. But Fabrizio felt like they should be moving, doing something, trying to fix this, even though there was nothing he could do. Nothing to help Ermal with anymore, nothing to do for Ermal. All he could do, was sit back and watch the man he loved die. And it was killing him inside too.

“Can we watch a movie?” The angel was the one to break the silence. he wanted to pull his mind away from all this mess for a while and judging by Fabrizio’s thoughtful face, he could use it to.   
“Sure, pick whatever you like.”  
They settled down on the couch, the movie begin to play but nider really paid atencion. Ermal was trying to think of the way he could make Fabrizio worry less and Fabrizio was still trying to figure out how to help the angel. Somewhere toward the middle of the film, Fabrizio couldn’t help himself anymore.  
“So what exactly does she have to do?   
Ermal looked at him confused.  
“What do you mean?”  
“The girl, what does she has to do to stop you from -... turning all black?” He wanted to say dieing, but the word itself was too hard to let out,  and the thought that came with it, like poison for his mind.   
Ermal shrug his shoulders.   
“I don’t know. I need to be loved, and know that I am, you know, I need to feel loved.” He said quietly. “I mean, for Silvia it was enough that Constantin saved her. He told her his feelings and then promised to help her no matter what it costs. He did it out of love for her. Maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but he did put his life on the line for her.”  
Fabrizio listened to him and nodded.  
“They both risked their lives for one another, didn’t they? She has fallen from heaven for him. Just like you did for your special lady.”  
Ermal couldn’t look him in the eyes. He turned his head away and nodded. Fabrizio thoughed he didn’t want to talk about the topic anymore, so he let it pass. The same as he didn’t want to ask for the lady’s name. Knowing it, it would made Ermal’s love belonging  to someone else, way too real. He knew that the angel's love was something he could never have.

Ermal couldn't do this anymore. He was falling deeper and deeper in the hole of his own lies. So far Fabrizio believed him and didn't press on the topic too much. But what if he asks for her name? What if he asks again to help him find her? And even if not, how will he hide the fact there is no girl, from Fabrizio? What will he say when he'll go 'look for her', and come back with no news. And what will he do when the black spot will grow bigger? Fabrizio will notice, of course he will. And what will he tell him? Ermal had no answer to any of this questions and he didn't want to lie any more. He will have to figure something out, and he will have to do it soon. Or he will die in the bed of the man he has fallen for.

Ermal feels emotionally drained and all he wanted was to curl close to Fabrizio and sleep it of. But sleep won't fix his problems, and neither will Fabrizio's closeness, since he doesn't love him. But Ermal still craved it. And what was there to lose?  
"Fabrizio, can I - could you - you said I can ask for this… - Could you please maybe brush my hair?" Ermal looked down shyly.  
Fabrizio considered it for a moment. This would break every promise he gave himself. But how could he say no to Ermal? How could he deprive him of such innocent touch, when this might be the only touch the angel will ever get?  
He nodded his head and tap his leg, showing Ermal where to put his head. And soon enough, his hand found its way back in the mess of curls he loved so much. Ermal closed his eyes, and a soft moan left his lips. Fabrizio looked down at him with fondness.

The movie was long forgotten, as the night found them still in the same position, with Fabrizio's head now fallen back and both of them asleep.

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was the pain in his neck and the fact that he was sitting up. Fabrizio opened his eyes, and for the second morning in the row, he found himself closer to the angel then he expected. He gently brushed his hair, moving a curl away from his eyes and observed a sleeping angel in his lep. He noticed Ermal had a blanket on himself and he remembered briefly how he woke up in the middle of the night, and pulled it over a sleeping angel, just to fall right back asleep himself.  
He pulled the blanket further up the sleeping body and then slowly lifted Ermal's head, got up, and put a pillow under it. He left Ermal another note and a bowl of fruits in the fridge, with a promise of bringing them back some real breakfast. Then he left to earn his Sunday morning living.

Fabrizio was late and a lot of people asked themself where the street musician was this morning, when they entered the church without the usually soft guitar melody playing in their ears. So did Claudio. When he couldn't spot Fabrizio from the window of his office he told himself he was probably on the other side if the church. But when he walk outside, Fabrizio wasn't there either. He pushed his worries aside, and focused on the morning masse, but still feel relieved when he heard a familiar melody  coming from outside, when the people started leaving. He always got worried when Fabrizio wouldn't come to play on the Sunday morning, even if he told him he won't before. He always worried about him. A priest's life could become lonely really fast, yes he was surrounded by many people, but only a few were more than a friendly face. Fabrizio was a real friend, not only one of those people that would shake his hand and smile after the Sunday service. Claudio almost considered him a brother, he never had. He still remembered the day he found him, and the state he found him in. And that is way he always worried about him so much. And way now he was so happy to walk out of the empty church, to sit on the bench, next to his friend.

When Fabrizio spotted Claudio, there was still a circle of people surrendering him. Most of them elderly couples who all voiced their concern about him not being there before the masse. He greeted Claudio by rising his chin in his direction, but didn't stop playing. Some people turn to talk to the priest who joined them in their small circle, some dropped a cointe or two in Fabrizio's guitar bag and left, after all, it was still cold outside. When the last two old women left, Fabrizio made a place beside him for Claudio to sit down.  
"I was worried about you not being here this morning." The priest started with a soft voice.  
"I overslept, that's all. The concert at Andrea's on Friday really wore me out."  
"Oh? Just, just the concert, right?" There was a certain undertone in the priest's voice Fabrizio knew all too well.  
"Claudio, I haven't had a drink since the promised I gave you. And I'll take my promise to my grave."  
"I know. I know! But you know how I am, I worry all the time. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to question you."  
Fabrizio looked at his friend, in the way his shoulders fell, in the way he looked at the floor.  
"Don't apologize. That worry kept me alive. And many before and after me as well."  
"Don't give me all the credied, you still had to do the majority of work yourself." Claudio looked back up and playfully ruffled Fabrizio's hair.  
"Oj! This style takes effort to make!" Fabrizio chuckled.  
"Yes, a full night of sleep. I've seen you crevling around the halls with this exact hairstyle in the mornings." He poked Fabrizio in the ribbes. "But there is something different about you. What's up Fab?"  
Fabrizio sight.  
"Claudio, I meet someone.”  
“Ou ho?” A careful, hopeful smile played on the priest's lips. “And who is the lucky one?”  
“It's not like that. We can't - I can't be with him?” Claudio's smile disappeared.  
“Is he in a relationship?”  
“No. But he - he is in love with somebody else.”  
“I'm sorry Fabrizio. Truly. But you know those things can change, if he isn't married I don't see -...”  
“With a girl,” Fabrizio interrupted him, “he is in love with a girl.”  
“Oh, so that’s the problem.”  
“Yes.” - 'He is also a fallen angel whose life depends on the one he loves', but Fabrizio didn't add that.  
“I'm sorry it has to be like this.” Claudio put an arm around his friend. He knew about Fabrizio's unsuccessful love life, after all it was part of the reason their friendship started, and when Fabrizio told him he meet someone, Claudio every time hoped it will be different. Fabrizio deserved happiness.  
The musician put his head down on priest's shoulder and let out a deep breath.  
“Why em I like this?”  
“Like what?”    
“Why does nobody like me for more than one night? Before, you asked me who the lucky one is, but whoever ends up with me is really anything but lucky.”  
“Now stop this nonsense Fabrizio." Claudio saw where the line of thoughts was taking his friend, and decided to put an end to it. "You know this isn't true. You are amazing, you just haven't found anyone worth of you yet. Anyone who'll see you and love you for who you are, the way you are. And if they can't do that, then it’s better for you if they don't love you at all. The right person will come, I'm sure of that.” Claudio ended with determination in his voice.  
“But I want him.”  
Fabrizio was almost ashamed of how much he sounded like a whining child, who wouldn't leave the store without a new toy, but he couldn't help it.  
Claudio tighten the grip around his shoulder  and put his own head on top of Fabrizio's: “I know Fab, I know. I have an idea, why don't you bring him to our charity event this week? I'd love to meet this mystery man who got you so charmed. And it will be a god way for you two to spend some time together. You know how those events are, they awaken the best in us, who knows what can happen. Hmm? What do you say?”  
Fabrizio thought for awhile and then nobbed.  
“I think he'll like that.”  
“Good, I can't wait to meet him.”  
“He's so … so, different from anyone I know. He's charming and gentle and he has a curiosity of a child. He is smart, no, wise and beautiful. Claudio, he's so beautiful. And when he laughs … ” It never happened before that Fabrizio talked like this about any of his lovers to him. Not with that kind of sparkle in his eyes and a voice full of adoration. Claudio knew Fabrizio had it bad. And this time it could turn really ugly. He hoped this won't be the case.  
“... And I'm just me. A nobody. There is nothing I can offer him. I -”  
Claudio cut him off.  
“I won't listen to that. Fabrizio, you are an amazing person, a great Friend and an artist like no other. You love like not many in this time do. Wholeheartedly and forever. Oh, and do I need to mention what a great kisser you are?” Claudio added, hoping it will make his friend  smile. It did.  
“Claudio! We agreed not to ever talk about this again.” Fabrizio replied with an emberest but much happier voice.  
“What else can I do? When you're bringing yourself down like this and I have facts against it?”  
“Ughh.” Fabrizio put his face in his hands. “It was one kiss, long time ago and I was drunk.”  
“Dead drunk, anyone else would notice my white collar and would understand me when I said: ‘Why are you sleeping in my church?’”  
“I'm sorry!”  
“Hay now, we've been thru this already. It happened, you apologized, it's all good.” Claudio smiled. “But Fabrizio remember what you promised me. Don't let yourself get so bad again. You're always welcome to come here, to me and Mary, to stay here if you need a distraction, but don't start destroying yourself again. Okay? He isn't worth it.”  
“Okay.” Fabrizio promised again. He haven't felt that way in years, he was doing well, and he would never again got himself so drunk, he would pass out in the church with the hope of not waking up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The offer to come scream at me still stands. I've changed my url to: izgu6ljena , if anyone is feeling lost ;)  
> (pun unintended :D)


	15. Love and let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS  
> Hi, before anything, I just want to say I'm sorry for no story updates in the past months. And even more for the lack of comments on all of your fics. I was still reading, and thought they're amazing, but I needed a break. I wasn't doing very well. Sorry.   
> (Oh, and please don't take this as one of those apologizing yt videos in which youtubers cry and make theirself the victim and stuff. I just want to explain why there was nothing coming from me for months.)
> 
> And now, hello again. Here is the next chapter (finally). I just finished this and haven't even reread it, so don't be too harsh on me. ;)  
> (I know it's short, but it's something.) 
> 
> Enjoy!

_“The strongest act of love I’ve done was the one when I let the loved one go.”_

 

_..._

 

On his way back home, Fabrizio stopped in a small bakery and boughed them a bunch of different pastries, he wanted Ermal to try something new. He thought about his feelings again. So they clearly won’t go away, and Ermal won’t love him back. Maybe distancing himself could help? But he tried that and it didn’t work. How could it, when the first thing he did was got his hands in Ermal’s curls, when he happily answered his every wish for a touch, when he felt asleep with the angel in his lep? His self control around Ermal was just non existent. He would do anything for him, and if that meant letting him go to his special person, he'll let him go. But all Fabrizio wanted, was being able to hold the angel close every moment of his life. 

But he knew that in life you can't always have what you want. He knew that very well - has experienced it on his skin many times before. He just wasn't meant for good things. He just wasn't meant for happiness. Not for the happiness of that kind. He survived then, he’ll do it again. Hopefully.

 Fabrizio came home and found Ermal still sleeping like he left him. He gave himself a moment to observe the angel, let his mind turn into wishes again and for a moment let himself dream. Dream about what life would be like with Ermal by his side. What would it be like waking next to him every morning, and fall asleep with the angel in his arms every night. what it would be like to tell him how he feels, to show him ...    
Fabrizio smiled softly when Ermal moved slightly in his sleep and a curly fell back on his eyes. His movement uncovered his feet and Fabrizio couldn't help but let his eyes rest on the black spot for a moment. It seemed bigger to him than the previous day. His stomach turned and his dreams vanished immediately. 

 

Ermal was dying. 

 

He tried to chase the bad thoughts away and made the dreams return, but he knew there was no hope. The best he could do was let Ermal go. The only thing he could do was let Ermal go. Ha had to. His dreams were only dreams. 

 Fabrizio shook his head and went to put the breakfast on the table and take a few breaths to pull himself back in reality. When his head was clean he went back to Ermal and set on the floor in front of him. Feelings of tenderness took over Fabrizio again and he gently tucked an escaped curl away. His palm stayed on Ermal's cheek and he brushed his thumb over his skin. He knew this wasn't right, but he couldn't help himself. Whole his life he lived of coins, crumbles and tiny moments like this one. And he hoped this too will be enough for him to survive. 

"Hey sleepyhead, time to wake up." He softly said.   
"Mmmm 'bizio?"   
Fabrizio stroked his hair. "Good morning, I have breakfast for us."   
Ermal opened his eyes and smiled a little.   
"I can smell it. But I don't wanna get up."  He closed his eyes again and leaned in Fabrizio's palm a little.   
"It's Sunday, you're allowed to be lazy, but let's go eat something first and then you can go back to the couch, hm?" 

Fabrizio got up from the floor and a still sleepy angel followed him. Ermal looked extremely adorable in the morning, with his messy hair and wrinkled clothes and Fabrizio wished he could hug him. And why not? It's not like any of his 'stay away' planes worked, or as if he'll ever be able to have anything more with the angel but a few friendly touches, so he might as well do as he wished for. Give himself one more moment to tuck away in his heart for when he'll let Ermal go. 

He turned around and caught the angel in a hug. 

"O," Ermal jumped a little in surprise, but happily returned the embrace, clinging strongly to Fabrizio, "w-what is this for?"   
"Just a good morning hug."   
"Okay." He buried his face in the other's shoulder.   
"How are you feeling today?" Fabrizio asked, remembering the burn.   
"Good. Still a little tired."  
"That's from not sleeping on a proper bed." He patted Ermal's hair, squeezed him a little tighter and and then let him go. 

They sat down and eat their breakfast with Ermal's occasional comments on what he liked and what tasted like soap, as he put it. He noticed his vivid description of food made Fabrizio smile, so he started using the most ridiculous words to describe the taste. They were both laughing by the time the food was gone. Ermal figured he liked the pasteris filled with chocolate the most, but even more he liked the sound of Fabrizio's laugh. The human looked so beautiful, every time he threw his head back chuckling, or when he covered his face with his hand to hide his smile.   
Ermal enjoyed his Sunday morning. He enjoyed it a lot. 

"Did you go to see Claudio?" He asked when they catch their breaths    
"I did, how did you know?“   
"You always go see Claudio on Sundays."   
Fabrizio smiled. "He invited us to a charity event this Thursday. Would you like to go? This year's theme is Chircus."  
"Yes!" Ermal burst out extusiasticly and Fabrizio spread his lips into a smile.   
"Will you play?" The angel asked.   
"Do I look like a clown? No, I played last year. This year we are going to buy some cookies and other things they will be selling. And we'll watch the clowns and dancers and acrobats. Oh, and I'm sure Claudio prepared something for the kids too, or well, something with them."   
"Kids!" Ermal practically screamed in enthusiasm.   
"Yes, you like kids?"   
"Mhm. They are adorable, so small and cute and pure. Tiny tiny humans."   
Fabrizio smiled and the view of Ermal's shiny eyes. “Pure?”   
“Yes, the new life hasn’t touch them yet.” But then Ermal’s face drop. “All though, some of them had already been touched, hurt. Some are already broken and sad. Like her, she was so young.” His voice broke in the end and he covered his face with his hands.   
“Ermal,” fabrizio slide closer to him, brushing a hand over his back, “don’t think about this now. She is okay, right? It was hard, but she’s okay now.” He paused for a little, preparing himself to break his own heart, before he did it: “And soon enough, she’ll have you in her life.”   
“Yeah.” Was all Ermal was able to say, knowing very well he was lying to Fabrizio again.   
“Are you feeling better?”   
“Yeah.” He wasn’t feeling better, he simply wished all this was over, that he didn’t need to lie to Fabrizio any more, that he didn’t need to have Fabrizio comforting him for something that will never happen. Hurting Fabrizio in anyway, was never his plan.   
  
“Tomorrow,” Ermal started, “I’ll go looking for - for her.” 


End file.
